Anomalous-The Diary of an SCP
by Amari412
Summary: In May of 2009, a young woman gave her life for a junior researcher in the SCP Foundation. Her journal was found and, with the O-5 Council's permission, was published under an anonymous author. This details the last year in the life of Cadence Leah Revan, now classified as SCP 2991-DeC. (Alternate canon to SCP Squad: Origins)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

When you're an anomaly, to the world at large, you're nothing. Less than human. Barely an object. You're kept hidden away. Tested on, and, if you're useless or too dangerous, you get killed.

But what happens when that anomaly seems more human than an object? And what is one supposed to do when they love something, someone, that can never truly be theirs? Most importantly, what would you do to keep them safe, when all the odds seem against them?

This is the journal of SCP 2991-DeC, classified as Deceased as of May, 2009. This journal was confiscated from her cell. She was born as Cadence Leah Revan.

As for who I am…well…I'm sure you'll figure it out. Her journal was left to me after her untimely death. Some things I found surprising, others made me laugh, rage, and even cry a little. But overall, and most importantly, it was real.

Painfully real.

For my Cadence, all my love…


	2. Chapter 1- April, 2008

**Chapter 1- April, 2008**

 _April 18, 2008_

Well, happy birthday to me. This has got to be one of the nicest journals I've gotten yet. I just love it, from the silver tipped pages to the white silk place mark. It's beautiful. One of my favorite gifts from Dr. O'Reilly.

I just can't believe I'm 21 today! Has it really been that long? Time really does seem to fly, doesn't it? And here I've been for eight years, locked away from the world, yet not really closed off. Hidden, but still aware of the world outside. For eight and a half years, this Foundation has been my whole world.

I suppose I should be upset, maybe demand my freedom. But truth be told, I don't feel like a prisoner most of the time. I understand that I'm different. That I'm…Anomalous, as most people here would put it.

Unlike some, I don't view my ability as a curse, though then again I probably should. Life is supposed to be challenging when you can't touch anything with your bare hands. In some ways, it is, but after so long, you just get adjusted to it, look on the brighter side I think. At least I have hands to touch with.

Yes, I do try to see the good in life. And yes, they can be hard to find, but it's still worth looking for. Even holed up in this research site, there's still some happiness to be had. Maybe it is a prison, but it's better than where I was before.

My name is Cadence Revan, but I'm called SCP 2991. According to researchers, I'm a Euclid class, a step above safe. An SCP is a creature, person, or item of Anomalous Effect. SCP stands for Secure. Contain. Protect. Or Special Containment Procedures. I've called this strange government foundation (That's supposed to be super secret by the way), my home for nearly nine years. I have few friends, and the few I do have call me Caddy.

So, what is it that makes me so dangerous? Well, I crystallize everything I touch with my bare hands. Thankfully, it's just my hands, otherwise I'd be a humanized version of SCP 409 (Contagious Crystal, Keter class if my memory serves). When I was younger, they used to call me the crystal princess. According to rumor, some people still dare to do so.

Now, rules of the journal. Well, I guess you could call them rules. I won't be writing every day. Maybe once a week. Mostly because finding new things to write about here every day can be especially tedious. Next rule, I can write anything in this. It is technically a private journal, so no researcher will be getting their grubby hands on it. I mean, if they wanted to, I would let them read it, I wouldn't stop them. As it is now I don't really have anything to hide. But who knows what the future will bring between now and then?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _April 25, 2008_

Finally got to go to the library! At least I'm allowed a little extra alone time there. But even then, I'm supposed to be supervised, just to make sure I don't take my gloves off. Please, like I would. Anyway, I'm allowed weekly, two hour visits to the library to get any books I may want. One would think I've read every book here, but surprisingly no, I haven't. Though it is a life goal!

So yes, I do love to read. A lot. I think if I lived in a world without books, I'd probably kill myself. Books and music are my life here. I love books of all kinds. Fantasy, romance, some horror and suspense. I love some philosophical texts, like the works of Machiavelli and Voltaire. But if I'm in a less novel sort of mood, I'll read poetry and plays. In those cases, E.E Cummings, Robert Frost, and William Shakespeare are my guys. For suspense and thrills, I turn to the works of masters like Stephen King and Dean Koontz.

Tonight, I have a date with Dean Koontz and his Frankenstein…sequels, I guess you could call them? I would call them modernizations, but that doesn't seem to fit either. Hm…if I can think of a better word, you'll be the first to know.

Had another session with Dr. O'Reilly earlier this week. Though I'm not sure whether to call them sessions or not anymore. It's usually idle chat nowadays. I suppose I could call him a friend at this point, but an SCP calling a doctor a friend, even in private, can be dangerous.

He isn't like other doctors though. He actually seems to genuinely care about his subjects. He even gives some of them nicknames. Now that is usually strictly forbidden, but I guess he feels it's a useless protocol. I'm not sure how I feel about it personally. I don't really get to speak to too many SCPs. Most of us aren't really big talkers. Heck, a lot of us actually are objects and can't speak. Dr. O'Reilly I guess is trying to fix that for some of the more sentient SCPs, like 173 (The Sculpture, Euclid class like me). Yeah, Dr. O'Reilly calls him Jim.

And yes, just because I don't usually talk to other SCPs doesn't mean I don't know anything about them. I know numbers, classes, and nicknames. Or maybe it'd be codenames…I'm not sure exactly. But yes, I do know some things about them, just not as much as I'd like to know. Hopefully as time goes along, I'll learn more.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	3. Chapter 2- May, 2008

**Chapter 2- May, 2008**

 _May 2, 2008_

With no testing this week, I'm quite proud to say I've sped through the first two Mr. Koontz's Frankenstein novels. Hopefully I'll get to go back to the library sometime this week. I was supposed to go yesterday, but it wasn't safe. A bunch of D-Class got out and tried to start some kind of riot or something. This happens quite often, so I knew to stay in my cell with the lights off and keep quiet, hidden and out of sight.

D-Class are death row inmates who are brought in as lab rats to do testing on. Personally I've never been all for it, except for the ones who well and truly deserve it. Of course, if ever confronted with an attacking D-Class, I'd have no issue defending myself. Yeah, let's see how they'll like being blocks of fire agate.

But really, I don't want to use my powers to bring others to harm. Quite the opposite actually. I learned a few years ago that crystals have been used in medicine and spiritual healing for centuries. For the past few years I've studied crystal therapy and I find it very fascinating. It's like a mix of science and magic and I believe that's called Alchemy. At least I think it is.

Anyway, if my power can be used for the good of all, I don't see why the O-5 council would be against me becoming a doctor for the foundation. At least on the side. What I really want to do is be the site's librarian. Oh, what a dream that would be! To be surrounded by all those books…it would be awesome!

I want to prove that not all anomalies are bad. If we can do good, can't we be called people too? We feel, just like "normal" people do. I really hate using the word "normal" to describe others that aren't like me. "Normal" is a relative term, a term that varies from person to person. I don't consider myself abnormal, just different. I'm a person, just with a little something extra.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 9, 2008_

Finally, I was cleared to go back to the library this week! I decided to get some Shakespeare and E.E Cummings this week. Just something to get my mind off of things.

I'm positively dreading next week. Dr. O'Reilly tells me that more tests involving SCP 409 will have to be done. They've poked and prodded at me enough with that damn thing. What more could they possibly want?! They know I hate it, and it causes me great pain to use.

Sometimes I think some people here are sadists. I mean really, it's like they like to watch me be in pain. I still have the burns from last time they did this. You'd think they would know…

Some days, I'm the one who feels like a lab rat. Yes, the Foundation is my home, but…what does home really feel like? I've been here since I was twelve, and my life before this really wasn't any better. Trust me, I think it was worse. I take that back, I know it was worse. At least here, I can move about as I please. I'm allowed to read and write, and interact with certain people. Though, because of what happened with THEM I have some difficulty with social skills.

It's not that I don't trust people. I trust some, like Dr. O'Reilly. But he's really the only friend I have here. And friends can only mean so much. My parents died when I was ten in a car accident with a drunk driver. I remember passing out and waking up with some bruises and cuts. Miraculously though no broken bones.

It wasn't until after I came here that it was discovered that I have hardened bones. Hardened, but surprisingly lightweight. We know my skeleton made of some kind of crystal and might be indirectly responsible for my gift. But as of right now we're not really sure.

How ironic is it that I can't stand mysteries and yet I seem to be one in and of myself?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 16, 2008_

Well, I saw someone at the library today as I was leaving. I'd never seen him before, and, judging by his look, he's never seen me. I'm not sure how exactly to describe him. I want to say his expression was…amazed? Mesmerized, maybe?

He didn't have the look of a researcher, more like a military man. He looked too strong, his posture far too tense, straight and disciplined. Everything on him looked tight and in control, from the beret he wore to his military boots. But it was his eyes, those brown eyes and his expression, that held my attention.

He was staring at me like…I don't want to say like an object. More like…well, something he's never seen before. I smiled and I swear I saw his face turn slightly pink. Strange as it was, it was also kind of endearing. It provoked something in me, something I don't understand even now. It confused me, and, unable to stand his gaze in its entirety, I turned away and left the library. But when I looked one last time over my shoulder and he was still looking at me that way, I just smiled and left.

Who is he? What's he really like? What does he do here in the foundation? When will I see him again?! Wait, should I even want to see him again?

If he's a researcher, shouldn't I want to stay away? But then, I don't know what he does…maybe I'll keep away. Let's just see what the future holds…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 23, 2008_

I love vintage stuff, like really old things. I find clothing items from a few centuries ago elegant and refined. I'm talking like Victorian era stuff. This is why most of my casual clothes don't really look too casual. I like to leave an interesting impression on people. Not saying I don't like the clothing styles of today, but I find older stuff fascinating. It makes me feel beautiful and historic wearing it.

Another reason, and this might be the most important, is that a lot of the clothing from back then was made of silk. This was really true among the aristocracy. So why is it so important? Well, it's the only material I can touch with my bare hands without turning it into crystal. Tests are still being done but so far no one's too sure as to why this is. That's why any and all fabric material I own, including clothing and bedding, are made of silk. Most would consider me lucky, but to be honest it'd be nice to be able to feel other materials too.

Haven't seen the man from the library yet. Maybe he's the one doing the avoiding. Hm…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 30, 2008_

Oh my gosh! I finally saw him again! You won't believe what I've found! Okay, so here's what happened:

I was in the library with Dr. O'Reilly in another part of it. I was reading a copy of the poem "How Doth Love Speak" by E. E Cummings, one of my favorites, when I heard a loud creaking from the shelf across from me. I asked who was there, and at first didn't hear anything. I was about to go and find Dr. O'Reilly when a voice, clearly male, finally answered:

"No one you know".

I found myself wondering if this was the man from before. I smiled and closed my book. "Come to the end of the shelf" I said, "I want to see you".

There was some hesitation. What was he so nervous about I wonder? Finally, though, I saw him again and he hadn't moved an inch. A heavy silence reigned between us, and I swear I could hear my heart in my ears.

"It…It squeaks" he said out of the blue, "The floor…yeah…"

I simply smiled, trying not to laugh. "Were you spying on me?"

He looked awkwardly around for a minute. "Yeah…kinda…"  
"Why?"  
"Just…out of curiosity I guess".  
"You could've just read my file" I told him, "I'm SCP 2991, the Crystal Princess".

He seemed a little surprised, especially when I asked if he'd like some tea. We went to the small lounge in the library and I made us some tea. The man seemed awkward and quiet at first, but we talked and we learned things. I found out he's a junior researcher working for Dr. Gears. He's a multi-tasker as well, as he's also the head of the mobile task forces. I was right to think he had a military background, as he was in the military before the Foundation basically recruited him in. Wouldn't tell me his first name, but I know he goes by Dr. Cool. Oh yeas, let the silly puns begin…though to be entirely honest, I'm terrible at those….

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	4. Chapter 3-June, 2008

**Chapter 3- June, 2008**

 _June 6, 2008_

Is it strange that I already want summer to be over? Well, seeing as how fall is my favorite season, I don't think so. I mean summer's great with all its warmth and constant sunshine, but fall is so full of vibrant and beautiful colors. And on top of that, my second favorite holiday, Halloween, is in October.

Ugh! It just seems so far away now! If people can have Christmas in July, why can't I have Halloween in June?!

Unfortunately, my new doctor friend has been at the receiving end of my complaints. He's handled it surprisingly well though, mostly advising me to be patient. But like me, he has an issue with patience. He's quieted me with a bargain though. He said he would get me something to remind me of fall all year around if I wouldn't complain to him anymore. I said I would hold him to it and an agreement was made.

And just as I complain to him about the seasons, he complains to me about some of the work he does. The poor man feels underappreciated and it angers me that it seems he's never given his full due. He really does deserve more than he's being given. I pray for God to give him patience. Good Lord does he need it.

He makes it clear Dr. Gears isn't a bad mentor. It's just difficult to get his approval on just about anything. I don't even know why he tries. Cool would have better luck getting Dr. Bright to stop being crazy. But I wouldn't bet on it. Take it from me, when that man gets going, he doesn't stop.

Speaking of Bright, that man has always creeped me out. He stares at me rather awkwardly whenever we're in the same room together and I don't think it's because I…dress weird. I honestly do think he thinks perverse thoughts about me, which is why I try to avoid him as much as possible.

Hm…I wonder if Cool could help me with that…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _June 13, 2008_

Well, I told Cool about my problem with Bright. I have no idea what he did to discourage him, but it's worked awfully well. I'm tempted to ask, but I think I'd be better off not knowing.

Speaking of strange doctors, you'll never guess who bumped into me at the library earlier this week. Dr. Gears found me and Dr. O'Reilly as we were doing my weekly trip! Believe me, I was surprised, especially when he took an interest in me.

But it also raised several red flags. Gears is a Keter specialist. I'm a Euclid class, so if not for Cool, why would he be interested in speaking to me, especially where I feel most comfortable? He wanted something. I knew it from the get go.

One thing you should know about Gears: Don't trust him, never completely. There are times where I fear h knows what any of us will do before we do it. Psychic? No, just…ahead somehow. I find it rather unsettling. Point being, I'm now on his radar and I'm not liking it. And this time, Cool's powerless to stop him…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _June 20, 2008_

I have this fear. Given his new found interest in me, Gears may feel the need to isolate me. Meaning he may cut me off from those closest to me. Granted with Cool, he has every right as he is his student after all. And while I do fear separation from my new friend, I really fear losing Dr. O'Reilly.

Derrick O'Reilly is one of the nicest, most generous doctors in the Foundation. Most call him a fool for his kindness, for caring about us "freaks" and "objects". He's not a fool. He's human.

A perfectly imperfect human.

Personally, I hope never to lose him. Everything can vanish, but as long as I have Dr. O'Reilly, as long as I have one speck of normalcy and kindness to keep things stable, I think I'll be okay.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _June 27, 2008_

It doesn't rain around here often, but when it does, it pours. It's been a long time since I've actually felt rain. But listening to it usually is sufficient. From my sanctuary, my spot in the library where I like to read, that has windows all over, I can watch it over the forest surrounding us.

I'm not alone in this room of windows today. Cool's with me, a copy of All's Quiet on the Western Front in his hands. As for me, I'm reading In Sunlight and In Shadow by Mark Helprin. A calm, easy silence reigns between us, but I know he knows something's wrong. He doesn't ask right away, knowing I won't tell until I know we're completely alone. I'll write this conversation if it comes up…

 _(Later that day…)_

Well, eventually it did come up. Not too long after I finished writing actually. Shortly after I put my journal down, he started asking.

"What's wrong, Caddy? You're not usually this quiet".  
"I just like the sound of the rain" I told him, "Nothing major".

But my already dear friend wasn't buying it. He put his book down and gave me an unconvinced stare.

"Cadence, I think I know enough when someone or something bothers you. I'll understand if you don't want to tell me, but you don't need to lie".

He doesn't like when people lie to him. I can understand that. I've been surrounded by secrets and lies my whole life. It's one of the things I hate about being here.

"Dr. Gears has taken an interest in me".  
"You have nothing to worry about from him. He specializes in Keters, not euclids".  
"I know he does, but I'm still worried about this. You haven't told him anything have you?"  
"He knows I talk to someone on my free time in the library. I've never mentioned you specifically. I happen to be a little more cautious than that, Cadence".  
"But what if he's figured it out?" I wondered, "SCPs and…humans…can never be friends".

I hate using that term for "normal" people, and he knows it. As if sensing my discomfort, Cool took my hand and brushed his thumb over my gloved knuckles. His gaze was intense yet heartfelt as he replied.

"And yet here we are, Caddy, a human and an SCP…no, we're people who happen to care for each other, we're friends. Nothing and nobody can change that. Not Gears, not the Foundation and it's stupid rules, nothing. If they don't approve, too damn bad. I'm not losing you and you sure as hell aren't losing me. What does that tell you?"

For a moment, I was speechless. It's one of the kindest things anyone has ever told me. I held his hand in return, not really capable of a coherent thought.

"I promise, Cadence, I won't let anyone hurt you".

Since he made that promise, I've felt this strange warmth inside. I keep trying to recreate the feeling of his hand on mine. Sadly, it's just not the same…

 _Yours,  
Cadence_


	5. Chapter 4-July, 2008

**Chapter 4- July, 2008**

 _July 3, 2008_

Feeling slightly isolated. Haven't seen Cool for a week, even when I was at the library. I think Dr. O'Reilly said he was off on some kind of intense training assignment or something like that. Either way, I hope he's safe.

Is it bad that all I seem to think of nowadays is his hand on mine? That hand, that I'm sure in which he's held weapons and killed, is also the most tender thing I've ever felt. And he called me a person! A person! Not an SCP, not an anomaly, a person! It was…wonderful. Just so wonderful, leaving this warmth, soft and sweet, in my chest.

I've read many love stories in my life, I just never thought I'd ever find myself in one of my own. Wait, was that a confession just now? I…I think it was.

Oh god…as if things weren't complicated enough…

I'm not just friends with a researcher…I think I love him…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _July 10, 2008_

Ugh! Why must he make this more difficult! Cool…he's sent me a letter. If distance helps the heart grow fonder, he's doing nothing to help my current situation.

Dr. O'Reilly, bless his soul, delivered the message to me after our session. A part of me is afraid of what he'd think if he knew just how deep my feelings for the man actually go. I don't think he'd sell me out to Gears, but still…you never know who to trust here.

Oh god, if Gears knew…We would both be in huge trouble. Well, I guess now I do have something to hide in this journal. Dang it all! I feel this affection for this man and yet have not a clue what to do about it. 21 Years old and have never felt this way towards anyone, mostly because I've never thought of myself as loveable.

The reason for this goes a lot deeper than one might initially think. I don't want to believe I have problems with self esteem, but if I was completely honest, I really do think I'm unlovable. I haven't received any real affection or love since I was a child. It's not something I really like to think about but given my revelation of my feelings for this Junior Researcher, it may soon become relevant again.

A part of me hopes somehow it doesn't.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _July 17, 2008_

He's still not back. I was tempted to write a reply to his letter, but I know it's too dangerous. I feel so alone. I don't even want to go to the library. I know if I went, I'd wind up missing him even more.

The shock from Dr. O'Reilly was expected. Before he assumed the worst, I just told him I wasn't feeling well, which was at least partly true.

I believe the novel term for this is love sickness. And yes, it's as bad as it sounds. Well, maybe not so bad but it still sucks to have. I'm praying for nothing but his safe return. In his letter, he mentioned he wasn't religious like I am, but that he did believe somehow my prayers held power. I'm still not sure how I should feel about that. I find it somewhat empowering but at the same time it reminds me that I'm not…like him.

Love seems to have changed a lot of how I see myself. I'm starting to see myself as most of the general population sees me. A thing. An Anomaly. A Freak.

Or maybe that's just how I am without him. I hope that's it. I'd hate to be so dang self conscious when he comes home.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _July 24, 2008_

He's back! But not in the best of conditions I'm afraid. Dr. O'Reilly lied when he said Cool was simply training. No, he and his Mobile Task Force unit were sent to investigate possible Chaos Insurgency activity.

The Chaos Insurgency is the SCP Foundation's number one enemy. While the Foundation Contains and studies anomalies, usually in hopes of putting them to good use, the Chaos Insurgency wants to enslave them to start a New World Order.

I really wish I had been there. I could've protected him, dang it! Instead, he comes home with a bullet lodged in his left shoulder!

And what's worse is I'm not allowed to see him! Gears and members of Site Command forbade it. On top of that, Dr. O'Reilly's sessions with me are going to start being monitored! What a load of crock!

So for now all I can do is pray and hope for the best. Lord, please, if you're listening let him recover swiftly. And let me see him again, even if it's one last time.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _July 31, 2008_

I had another session with Dr. O'Reilly and I came really close to telling him my secret. But of course, I knew we were being watched. If anyone knew, I fear we would both be terminated. I don't care if they kill me, let them. But if it comes to that, I don't want him to come to harm, much less because of me.

I may see the Foundation as home, but I still have to play by its rules. Yes, it can be cruel, but at least there's a good reason for said cruelty. The Foundation is cruel to save humanity. The Insurgency is cruel to dominate it.

But there have been days where I've doubted. There have been days I've wondered how different my life would be had I just ran from the house where my foster family left me. Looking back, I probably should've, but…where could an abused, underweight, scarred up 12 year old anomalous girl possibly go without being labeled a freak?

Greed is a terrible thing. Greed and Lust are the worst of the deadly sins in my opinion. I was exploited for two years due to greed. I was abused, beaten, starved, cut, and burned for greed. I myself have never experienced lust, but I've seen what it can do, the destruction it can cause. The life I lived before the Foundation was cruel for cruelty's sake. It was a curse, and a curse I'm glad to be rid of. A curse I'd never wish on anyone.

The Foundation is cruel, yes, but I've found a certain degree of beauty in it. Maybe it's my feelings talking, and there's even cruelty in that. It's cruel he'll never know, cruel we could never be together. But it only makes the few moments we share shine brightly. There's beauty in those moments, the words we say and, in rare cases, write.

I guess you could say it's a cruel beauty.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	6. Chapter 5-August, 2008

**Chapter 5. August, 2008**

 _August 6, 2008_

He wrote another letter! Ugh, does he not know how dangerous this is?! I mean, I appreciate the thought, but he doesn't understand what will happen should the letters be intercepted. Granted, I don't write my replies myself, but Dr. O'Reilly has been kind enough to check up on Cool every so often for me. He's been recovering well, focusing more on his Keter studies than on his MTF work. Thank goodness for that, as I believe bodily healing starts with the mind.

I did send a book though. It's not one he's used to reading, but I hope he'll like it anyway. It's called Tuck Everlasting. As well as a pretty awesome love story, it's an exploration of immortality and why it really isn't all that great. I really do hope he likes it, as it was one of my favorites when I was younger. It's just one of those kinds of books that has a childlike innocence but its message is powerful enough to hit in the heart.

Honestly, I'd want Dr. Bright to read it, but again, that man doesn't read deadly squat, except the list of things he isn't allowed to do…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _August 13, 2008_

So, today may as well be one long nightmare. First, Gears tried to confront me in the library again, then the alarm signaling a 106 containment breach sounded, someone cut the power (Probably 106 himself…), and I'm sitting in a closet in the dark, so if my writing is way off I apologize.

SCP 106, the old man, is a keter class, and dear god has he a reputation! He's a predator, but not in the way you'd probably imagine. What he does isn't entirely pure instinct and inherited memory. It's not entirely animalistic I guess. It goes deeper than that, and I don't think I want to go that deep.

I'm trying to keep calm, hoping somehow I won't get noticed

 _(Later)_

Well, so much for not being noticed! To my credit I had to fight. That old bastard found me and if I hadn't fought I'd probably be dead.

I probably shouldn't be writing, but I don't know a better way to handle this. I…I killed someone, and 106 picked off the other.

I felt the closet around was unsafe. That bastard was close and I could feel it, like my survival instinct just went haywire. But along with 106 there was another danger…

Frikkin D-Class…

They had me cornered some ways from the library and I had no choice. Literally, they ripped my gloves so I had no choice but to defend myself. I touched one of the criminals and in my fear and anger I turned the man into a smoke quartz statue with a bit of fire agate. The other backed right into 106, who took him screaming into the pocket dimension. I turned to run, but there the decaying corrosive old man was.

Obsidian sprung like black liquid from my hands, which I formed quickly into sharp daggers with a thought. 106 looked intrigued for a second and then had a wicked grin.

"Cadence!"

Just beyond the Keter, I saw Cool, his shoulder still patched from the wound he had received. I was suddenly glad to see him and something strange happened.

The obsidian in my hand changed. Not a different color, but a completely different stone. I didn't know what it was, but it shone brightly in an orange and yellow shimmer, reminding me of a bright sunset. 106 hissed at the stone, drawing back angrily. On a hunch, I threw one of the bright stone daggers at him and I noticed it burned his chest where it hit. 106 growled and disappeared into the nearby wall.

I heard my friend curse as I fell over, suddenly exhausted. I kept my hands up as I fell, not wanting to hurt him or anyone else.

"Cadence! Damn it what happened to your-" he saw the torn remnants of my gloves, "Oh".

He then noticed the smoky quartz D-Class. "What have you done?"

The concern was apparent in his voice and when I glanced into those brown eyes, I saw it was for me. I managed a small smile. I felt so light headed I couldn't think of a coherent response.

The last thing I remember was Cool sitting with me in that small dark corner. He moved my head to his side, his arm around me protectively.

"Hang in there, Caddy..."

I don't know how long I was out, but I'm writing now by lamplight. I have a pair of silk blue gloves on from my cell and in a chair close to the bed I'm in is Cool, peacefully asleep. We both had quite an adventure today, so I better get more rest too. That…and I think he looks adorable asleep.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _August 20, 2008_

He's been reading Tuck Everlasting. I caught him reading a chapter when I woke up yesterday morning. I'm feeling slightly more energetic, not really enough to get up and move. It sucks, because I don't feel safe or comfortable here surrounded by doctors and researchers. The only time I feel safe is when Cool is there with me. As it turns out, he was the one who retrieved my spare gloves from my cell.

The crystal I produced last week didn't go completely through 106 like I thought. Small fragments of it were stuck inside of him, causing a burned looking patch to appear on his chest and left shoulder. Further testing proved it's a crystal commonly called Sun Stone.

Probably needless to say, Gears is interested. After all, he documents 106 the most, and apparently never considered Sun Stone to be a weakness to the peculiar SCP. Well, he does hate all solar related things, so I guess this makes sense.

They want me to produce more of it for further study on 106. I keep trying but somehow Cool keeps coming back to mind and I wind up with rose quartz. Ugh! It's so frustrating! Can I please not like him for a while? At least long enough to produce this sun stone so I'll be left alone?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _August 27, 2008_

I can't fall asleep again. My heart is racing and I feel jittery, breathless. It's getting worse. I'm dreaming of him now…

I don't remember too many dreams, but boy do I remember how this one ended. Somehow we were dancing, a nice slow dance. My head was on his shoulder as he held me. I remember as it ended, I looked into those beautiful warm chocolate brown eyes. I…I almost kissed him. God, what is wrong with me?!

I'm starting to wonder if I should tell him. But of course, the sane part of my brain is telling me that would be wrong. I mean, he's going to be a researcher. Me? Well, I'll be force out of his life forever.

I know I should just accept it, but it hurts too much. What does one do when they love someone who can never truly be theirs? It feels like a dagger in the heart.

I'm trying so hard not to love him, but the more he shows he cares, the closer he gets to my heart. But it hurts, knowing that it'll amount to nothing.

Some days, I really do wish I could be…like everyone else. Why couldn't I be like everyone else?! Why couldn't I just be born…

Normal?

 _Yours,  
Cadence_


	7. Chapter 6-September, 2008

**Chapter 6- September, 2008**

 _September 3, 2008_

Well, we're one step closer to fall finally. Thank goodness, I'm tired of hot, dragging on forever summer. And, true to his promise, Cool got me a small gift to remind me that fall is that much closer: A small charm bracelet with different fall related charms dangling from a rose gold linked chain.

God, this thing must've been expensive! And I know for a fact he doesn't get paid a whole lot. So he's been putting money away since June just to make me happy. Dang it, why must he be so sweet, so kind to me? It makes trying not to love him even more difficult. Not that I've told him I'm trying or even if I did it wouldn't matter. Mostly because I'm failing miserably. The heart wants what it wants I suppose…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _September 10, 2008_

I thanked Cool for the bracelet and asked how much it cost. He just simply shrugged and asked me why it was important.

"Because I know you don't get paid too well".  
"I just keep my promises, Caddy. No matter the cost, and that's all you need to know".

Dr. O'Reilly asked me about it during one of our sessions. I tried to tell him I had made it, but I produce crystal, not metal. He was quick to catch on and…I told him my secret. I ended up in tears, and it was embarrassing to say the least.

But the man surprised me. He was so kind about it, listening and helping me sort things out. He promised not to tell anyone and I only hope he keeps it. He did however recommend the unthinkable…

Tell Cool.

Even now I shake my head at the thought. He can't know. It'd end terribly for us both. If an anomaly forms an attachment to a…human (God, I really hate using that word!) both are usually terminated, especially if the person reciprocates. I won't, I can't ruin him like that. If we're destined for two different paths, so be it then. I'll give what I can give for now, and take what little I may deserve. He'll never know, no matter how much it pains me.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _September 17, 2008_

If my hand writing seems a bit shakey, forgive me. I'm just…everything happened so quick…and it showed how desperate the Foundation is to get the sun stone I create.

Yes, they finally went there.

They threw me into SCP 106's containment zone!

And of course, the old man was oh so happy to see me. I was left in that zone for two hours…fighting for my life.

The old man hissed at the sight of me, ready to fight. I turned and ran, trying to get out of that wretched place. I screamed for help, holding a considerably large piece of sun stone in my hand. 106 shifted his form, and I realized I forgot he could appear as anything, he turned to a large black dragon, his dark eyes glowing with a malicious glee.

Well…it seemed I was on my own here.

With no other options, I had to fight. When I opened my eyes again, the sun stone had somehow fashioned itself into a blade. I blessed it mentally with a prayer in Latin and stood to fight.

My courage surprised even me. I just never felt so strong before. For the first time I felt like I was in control. I felt like…a hero from one of my books.

But it wasn't enough. Skill was what I lacked, and before I knew it, my vision blackened. When I was able to open my eyes again all I could see was darkness. My head pounded the smell was absolutely wretched.

 **Ah…awake at last…** a voice, whispery and all resounding, said.

I looked around until I saw a pair of glowing dark eyes in the blackness. I knew who it was.

"Release me, demon" I spat at him.

SCP 106 kept his malicious grin, which was also visible. He smelled like rotting flesh and I gagged lightly.

 **Resilient as always. I'll release you in good time, but there's much to be discussed, and preferably away from listeners.  
** "Why should I speak to you?"  
 **Because…I could sell your secret out to Gears. I was curious as to why a man such as he would fear someone like you. It's clear he's well within his right to be so.**

Gears feared me? I still find the thought ludicrous. Why would Cool's mentor be afraid of me? 106 seemed to note my confusion.

 **It's not for the reason you're most likely thinking. Your powers are irrelevant to him. It's your hold on his pupil that has him worried.  
** "Why? I have no influence on Dr. Cool".  
 **Oh how wrong you are. Your soldier has survived much, thriving on his own strength and will. His ambitions are…quite high.  
** "Ambitions?"  
 **Ideas that Gears has put in his head. See, the man has plans for your soldier, your…Prince Valiant I suppose would be more appropriate for him.**

Prince Valiant…I'll have to remember that the next time I see him.

"And those plans are?"  
 **I can't say anything for certain, but he will face many a great foe in his future…and someday, not today, tomorrow, or the next, but someday, you will have to make a choice.  
** "Me?"  
 **Yes, and whichever one you choose…it'll give him nothing but pain.  
** "You're a liar! I'd never hurt him!"  
 **You can deny my warnings all you want, but it won't change a thing.  
** "Save it, 106".  
 **Even if by some miracle you were to make the right choice, he'd only sooner fall right into Gears' ambitions. Why are you going to force someone you love to choose between who he loves…and what he will live for?  
** "Because I know he won't fall for it. Cool's too strong. He controls his own ambitions, his own dreams".  
 **Does he? Are you sure? I admire your faith in him, Cadence. It's staggering, but just how long do you think you can keep him so good, so pure of intent? The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and it'd be wise if you kept that in mind.**

Before I could ask any more questions, I felt to hands grab my shoulders and pull me out. The next thing I knew, I was sobbing into Cool's chest from fear and with him was another man I didn't recognize. I just remember that he was taller than my friend, with short brown hair, and looked all muscle. His voice was angry and he was yelling.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! She wouldn't stand a chance against that thing!"

But I could barely hear. I felt breathless and every breath I managed to take in was a gasp. I focused on the hand that caressed my shoulder and upper arm, and the soft voice telling me everything was going to be okay, to breathe, that I was safe and it was over now.

But am I really safe now? If everything the old man told me was true, then neither of us are safe.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _September 24, 2008_

I've been trying to just avoid people now. I just don't want to see anyone. Haven't been eating or sleeping too well. Dr. O'Reilly's worried and keeps asking what's wrong. But I can't bring myself to tell him.

It's been plaguing me all week.

What choice will I have to make? How will it hurt him? Is there any way that I can prevent it? What in the world could Gears possibly want? I'm at a loss, and I have no clue what to do.

I know I should tell him, but what if he doesn't believe me? I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, and I keep asking myself: What must a girl do to save a man she loves?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	8. Chapter 7- October, 2008

**Chapter 7- October, 2008**

 _October 1, 2008_

Fall has finally hit, so at least there's some happiness in all this. Cool's gone from worried to furious that I've isolated myself. So I've agreed to meet him at the library later, in our windowed sanctuary, away from others.

I know he deserves the full truth, my feelings and all, but I can't jeopardize him like that. I have to lie to be kind and it hurts because you don't lie to the ones you love, not even to protect them. The truth always gets out eventually, and you wind up looking like a fool.

After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions…

 _(Later)_

It's been getting too close. I almost broke, I almost told him. It was so tempting, but…I had to refrain.

I met him in the library a little late in the afternoon and my nerves were already wracked. He was livid, but kept it under thin wraps. His restraint was surprisingly strong, though that's probably because it was me he was about to go off on.

I mustered up a smile. "Hi".

Cool simply nodded and pointed to a chair. "Sit".

Without a word, I complied. We stared at each other, assessing one another. Hoping one of us would break and calm the storm raging between us.

"Well?" he raised an eyebrow, still standing.  
"Well what?" I asked.  
"Do you want to tell me what's been going on lately? Dr. O'Reilly is worried sick! Ever since the incident with 106, you've done nothing but ignore us! Something happened in his pocket dimension and we want to know what exactly that was!"  
"Nothing really happened" I kept my voice calm, though my heart was anything but, "We fought and then he started ranting".  
"About what?"  
"I…I don't want to say".  
"Don't want to or has he coerced you into not saying anything?"  
"Look, I just don't want anyone to get hurt alright!"  
"Hurt? Did 106 threaten you?"  
"Not exactly me".  
"Then who?"

I hesitated a moment. "You".  
"Me?"  
"Do you think 106 can see the future somehow?" I dared my own question.  
"Cadence-"  
"Do you?"  
"No".  
"Well, he left me under the impression that he could".  
"How?"  
"He said…that…that one day I'd have to make a choice".  
"Choice? What choice?"  
"He didn't say exactly, but I'm fearing the worst".  
"Cadence…I'm so sorry they put you in there with that monster".  
"Things happen-"  
"But they shouldn't happen" he took my hand.

I couldn't think of a response so all I could do was look up at him, and there was nothing but sympathy and warmth in his eyes. I melted and looked down at the bracelet he gave me.

"I never did get to thank you for this" I smiled a little.  
"You don't need to. We had a deal after all. But Cadence, I mean it, I won't let anyone hurt you or come between us. I care about you Caddy and I'm not the only one. If you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me. If there's a problem and you need someone to talk to, talk to someone. If not me, then at least Dr. O'Reilly. Promise me, Cadence Revan".  
"I promise. If this happens again, I'll talk to Dr. O'Reilly".

He hugged me! He actually hugged me! If I thought the touch of his hand was nice, Cool holding me was a dream come true. I just wish somehow he does it again.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 8, 2008_

Things are slowly sliding back into normalcy, or at least something close to it. I got the legend of sleepy hollow and other tales by Washington Irving to get myself into the Halloween spirit.

I haven't actually celebrated Halloween in years. I know the Foundation usually holds a party of some kind, usually with a different theme. It'd be nice to go, but I don't think I'd be able to. If only makes sense, being an SCP and all. Still, I think it'd be wonderful to go.

Ugh, I'm starting to sound like Cinderella now…I guess there are times when I live up to the title of Crystal Princess.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 15, 2008_

So, I guess Cool and I are plotting. He sees how people stare and start rumors about us. Well, it turns out he's sick of it as much as I am. So…he's done something unheard of: Asked me to the Foundation's Halloween Ball!

Oh my gosh! This is beyond huge! I'm beyond psyched! This could open so many doors, and not just for me. I could be…well, like a representative for other human anomalies like me (Like 073-Cain, Euclid, and Iris, 105, Safe). We're not all bad and now hopefully I'll have a chance to prove that.

But now the question arises: What should I wear? It's a costume ball after all, and I want to look amazing. Not too many options for a girl with red hair, and no, definitely not wanting to do Ariel from the little mermaid or Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Hm…this is tricky…what could I be that's unique and somewhat uncommon? And something also very refined and beautiful…hm…

I think I got an idea, but I'll need a few things from the outside world. Maybe Dr. O'Relly can help me.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 18, 2008_

Well it's settled. I have my costume idea and Dr. O'Reilly is helping me with it. I'm keeping it a secret from Cool, but I plan to be the Autumn Fairy Court Queen. So I've been trying to generate a lot of bright colored crystals to fashion into a makeshift crown. I thought of asking Dr. O'Reilly if he could get me something I could use for a crown. Sure I can carve one from crystal, but I kinda always imagined the Fall Queen would have a crown of gold, brown, red, and maybe a little purple leaves. I suppose I could crystallize the leaves for decoration, but I'm not sure.

Meanwhile, Cool and I have been doing something kinda awkward. Dancing. And yes, the very thought of it is blush inducing. We're somewhat teaching ourselves in our sanctuary at the library. I'm certain we've been spotted several times, but he tells me not to pay them any attention. Kinda hard under the circumstances, as we're doing something completely unconventional and looking like fools doing it.

As I've already said, I don't like being stared at or singled out. It's not the most comfortable feeling in the world. But at least for once I don't feel so alone doing it. All thanks to him.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 21, 2008_

Ten more days now and I'm already nerve wracked. I hope he knows what he's doing at least on some level.

But I'm writing today for another reason. This day is the anniversary of the Foundation finding me. As you know, my parents died when I was ten. I was put up for adoption once I healed completely from my few injuries.

But the people who adopted me were not good at all.

I discovered my anomalous trait under their care. I tried to keep it hidden, but with no gloves it was absolutely impossible. They found out…and exploited it mercilessly.

I was locked in a basement, where I was forced to generate crystals on my own. How? Well, by making me bleed. I turn blood, yes, even my own, to crystal. Usually ruby or garnet depending on the injury inflicted. If I get burned, blood turns into garnet. If I get cut and the blood is very bright red, it turns into a ruby.

I'm riddled with scars all over because of those horrible people. I hate my skin because of them. I was twelve years old when they abandoned the place with all the money they made off my blood and ability. I was rescued a few months after they left. I've called this Foundation home ever since. But again, I find myself wondering if this is what home really feels like.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 23, 2008_

Our plan is coming together nicely actually. But I had another session with Dr. O'Reilly. Like Cool he also wanted to know what happened in 106's pocket dimension. I really had no desire to talk about it, but I told him what I told Cool, with some added details. When I was finished, the older doctor shook his head.

"I know he makes you uncomfortable, but Dr. Gears needs to be told about all of this".  
"And you want me to tell him? You want me to go right into the lion's den?".  
"I know it's risky, but it'd be best if you told him the truth yourself".  
"He probably knows now, or at least he will know soon. What I'm fearing is what if 106 is right? What if Gears is using Cool to achieve his own ends?".  
"Everyone here is ambitious, Caddy. But I don't take Gears for an ambitious man. He lives to work and that's about it from what I can tell".  
"And what if that's what he wants you to think?"  
"Then you need to always be on your guard, all of us".

The session ended on that note. Soon, I'll be facing the one I fear and hate the most.

Ugh…the things I do for love.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 25, 2008_

Maybe Dr. O'Reilly was right. Maybe Gears isn't all that ambitious but I still don't trust him Yes, I ventured into the lion's den and survived. He did make it painfully obvious he didn't care for my friendship with his pupil…

Dr. O'Reilly accompanied me for moral support, thank god. If he hadn't I would've abandoned the whole thing. Gears was calm, almost like he was expecting us. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he was. Chances are, he knew everything. But I refused to be intimidated.

"Well, if it isn't 2991…Dr. O'Reilly has told me some…interesting things about you".

I glared briefly at him, but he seemed as lost as I was. I never pictured Gears as one to lie, but chances were he was lying to scare me. I didn't respond as my mind suddenly went blank.

"Sit. Let's talk".

Personally I wasn't in a talking mood. I wanted to skip the limbo and cut to the chase. But I sat anyway.

"You survived 106's pocket dimension. I must say that is most impressive. Not too many can take on this keter class and live to tell the tale".  
"Maybe…he wasn't looking to harm me. More like" I paused for a moment, "To warn me".  
"About?"  
"I'm not sure what exactly, but something about power and ambitions".  
"Who's ambitions?"  
"To be truthful, yours. He kept saying you had plans for your junior researcher, Dr. Cool?"  
"Plans? Ambitions? If anyone between the pair of us has ambitions it is him, and him alone".  
"Why would 106 say that then?" I asked, "And more importantly, what on god's green earth possessed you to put me in that demon's holding area knowing there was a chance I wouldn't survive?"

Gears was quick to answer. "We needed to do more tests on the sun stone you produce. We think it can strengthen our sun guns and keep 106 under better control".  
"That's not what I want my crystals used for".  
"You act as though you have a say in the matter, 2991. You are a weapon, nothing more or less. And no, I don't care what my student has told you or what pitiful ideas you've put in his poor head. You are an SCP, a weapon of mass destruction. He has yet to learn this lesson, something he may need to find for himself I'm afraid".  
"Cadence" I seethed my own name, "My name is Cadence".  
"When you were human perhaps it was" Gears replied coldly, like it meant nothing to him.  
"You don't even hear yourself" I told him, "Crystals have been used in healing since time began. Why I be used to heal and not harm?"  
"How are you any different than SCP 409?" Gears asked, "Besides the obvious of course".

I rose from my seat. "I'm a person, and I damn well can make my own choices!"  
"And if faced with a choice, what would you choose?" Gears stayed calmly seated.  
"I'd choose what mattered to me. I've done enough for the world" I moved toward the door, "We're finished here".

Gears took out some papers and started writing. "If you say so, 2991".

Needless to say, I never want to do anything like this ever again.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 27, 2008_

Cool's not happy about anything that went on between me and his mentor. He doesn't like that Gears called me a weapon or a thing. He offered to confront him for it, but I told him I was fine, that I had expected this reaction from him. We just went on with our lesson and discussed costumes. Of course, he was first to ask.

"I'm doing something more beautiful than scary" I told him, "A very fall theme".  
"That's nice".  
"What about you?"

Cool gave me a light smile. "I'm kind doing something I just thought of, kinda like a gentleman death kinda thing".  
"Oh" I smiled, "That sounds awesome".  
"Inspired by a poem actually".  
"Oh?"  
"Because I could not stop for death-" he quoted.  
"He kindly stopped for me" I took his hand, "I didn't know you read Emily Dickinson".  
"Only recently. But I have to admit, you were gutsy, Caddy. Not too many people can look Gears in the eyes and tell him to screw off".

I let myself laugh. "I didn't tell him to screw off. I told him the truth. If ever faced with a choice I'd choose what mattered the most to me".  
"And what matters to you?" he was getting ever closer, his hand moving up my gloved arm.

My head was suddenly blank. I couldn't think with those soft brown eyes giving me that same wondrous look he had before, when we first met. I closed my eyes and felt him start to pull my gloves off slowly. I felt fire in my blood, heard my heart in my ears, as he leaned over and asked again.

"What matters to you?"

I trembled, but I don't know why, as the gloves slid off. My eyes snapped open and I shook my head.

"Cool…don't do this" I told him, my voice just over a whisper.

His reply was another question and a light smile. "Do you trust me?".  
"You know I do" I nodded.

Cool whispered in my ear. "Then trust me".  
"What are you-Oh!"

Before I could say anything else, one of his arms wrapped around my waist, leaving my gloveless right hand to dangle away from him slightly. He held my left arm and I wondered if we were going to try to dance like this.

What actually happened was far more blush inducing.

His hand was gentle as it slid down my arm, just with his fingertips. God, it was like electricity flowed between us as he caressed me like that. He moved his hand down my arm and my heart beat so loud I thought he could hear it. He made no sign that he did and headed right for my own fingertips, my deadly hands. I tried to move, to get out of his hold, but he wrapped his arm tighter around me.

"Trust me" he said.

I calmed and watched his fingers brush over the top of mine. I felt this sort of magnetism, like my hand was drawn to his. He brushed the tops of my hand but no further. I felt crystal, rose quartz, emerge from my fingertips.

I blushed and when I looked at him again, he was giving me another stunned look.

"What?" I asked.  
"You…you're sparkling" he said.  
"Sparkling?"  
"Yeah…is that…you're way of blushing?"  
"Uh…um…I don't know I've never actually done it".  
"It's so…pretty" his hand cam up to my face.  
"Am I?" I dared to ask.  
"Sure you are, you mean…you don't know, or-"  
"I've never…really seen myself as pretty to be honest".  
"Why?"

Without a word, I showed him the scars on my arms and shoulders. I was amazed at how quick his expression changed when I told him how I got them. I saw his fists clench and his expression darken. I could see there was a darkness in him, but I wasn't afraid of it. Far from it, it actually only made me care more.

When I was done, I reached for my gloves but he took them.

"Let me" Cool insisted and took my arm.

With a look as gentle as his touch, he pulled my gloves back on. I couldn't help but smile, surprised by his tenderness.

Could it be that maybe, on some level or other, maybe he loves me too?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 29, 2008_

Well, two more days now. My costume's ready and Dr. O'Reilly even got me a pair of red, orange, and yellow fairy wings. I made myself a crown of leaves and branches, hopefully it won't hurt too much to wear. Iris, SCP 105, has volunteered to do my make-up and hair.

Speaking of which, poor Iris has her work cut out for her. She's been trying to get one of the newer SCPs, dubbed 3030 I believe (Keter class, if memory serves), to speak. So far, no progress but she's patient. Dr. O'Reilly has named him Carlisle, and Gears has also taken an interest in him. At least his attention is off me for once.

But I can't stop my thoughts from the previous entry. I feel so confused, yet happy at the same time. What should I do? Asking would be too bold, too risky, and would get a confession from me that Cool could easily take to his mentor. Ugh, what's a girl to do in love?!

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _October 31, 2008_

Oh…my…god! OH MY GOD! Tonight…it's been the best night of my life, bar none! It was just so…festive and beautiful and bright! And…I just wish I could relive it again!

Iris and I spent the day doing each other's hair and make-up. She went as an angel, ironically enough. But she admitted that my costume was surprisingly a lot of work with the eye make-up designs I had in mind. And on top of that there was a lot of gold and red glitter involved. She wanted to paint my nails, but there wouldn't have been a point. I was wearing a pair of gold silk gloves so…not really much of a point there. I felt beautiful by the time she was done. Iris had curled my hair, made my somewhat angular face a little smoother. And I swear I didn't see a single blemish on me. To say it was awesome is the understatement of the century.

Even my dress was elegant. Made of red silk, it was safe for me to touch with my bare hands. And Dr. O'Reilly got the gold gloves as an added touch to contrast all the red I wore. I wore also the bracelet Cool got me on my left wrist. When I looked in the mirror, it was much more regal version of myself.

"You are gonna blow his mind tonight, Caddy. Let's go get your Prince Valiant" Iris chuckled and we left my cell together.

Cool was accompanied by Dr. O'Reilly and, to my surprise, Carlisle. Iris gave the new reality bender a pleasant smile and he looked away shyly. Dr. O'Reilly looked on smiling and, as for Cool, he looked amazed at me. I breathed a heavy sigh, trying to relieve my nervousness.

"Caddy…you…you look amazing" he offered me his hand which I happily accepted.  
"Thank you" I smiled, "You look wonderful yourself".

He really did. Cool had gone all out in what seemed like Victorian era dress, all black, with some macabre touches. His top hat was lined with small bones and dangling from a pocket was a watch with a cover resembling a black rib cage. The cape he wore was velvet or something close to it, but it looked nice.

"I see you got creative too" I smiled.  
"Too much?" he took his hat off.

I took the hat and put it back on his head. "Not at all".

He gifted me another heart melting smile and offered his arm. "Shall we go blow some minds then?"

I nodded and took his arm. "Let's give them something to talk about".

Iris flashed me a "Go get him, girl!" kind of look as we led our small strange group to the sanctioned off part of the Site 19 where the ball was taking place. There were people everywhere and when a large portion stopped and stared, I gripped my friend's arm tighter.

"Relax…no one's gonna hurt you. I'll hurt them if they try" he whispered to me.

I simply nodded in response and he led me out to the center court where there were others dancing. We parted briefly but Cool extended his hand.

"May I have this dance, your highness?" he smiled and I had to laugh at his willingness to go along with my costume.

I nodded, too nervous to say anything. He took my hand and put an arm around my waist, holding me close. My heart pounded as I put my other hand on his shoulder.

"Trust me" he told me, just like the other day.

I trusted him. It was everyone else I didn't. People stared, and one face I didn't fail to notice was Gears, obviously chaperoning like we were all a bunch of teenagers. I felt sick, I wanted to run, but I would die before I let myself miss this chance.

"Pay him no mind. Let him see. If you have to look at him, do it only to stare him down. Not to be aggressive, but enough to show you aren't ashamed or afraid".  
"I'm not sure how to go about with that".  
"Then just keep focused on me. Just imagine us alone…because I may just make that happen soon".

I was going to ask what he meant, but knowing Cool he wouldn't tell me. He smiled and we ended our dance, he brushed a hand through my hair.

"You…are impossibly, heartbreakingly beautiful" he told me.

I blushed, sure that I was sparkling again, and looked down. "Thank you".

He gave me a soft, self assured smile and we made our way to a vacant table. We spent half the time guessing people's costumes and masks while enjoying some cinnamon pumpkin cakes. Finally he put a hand over mine.

"Let's go somewhere a little quieter" he smiled and led me away again.

I was nervous, but I wondered what exactly my Prince Valiant, my gentleman death, had in mind. When we reached our destination, I was blown away.

In different parts of Site 19's grounds, we have these gazebos that are meant to be designated smoking areas, but this one in the center grounds was very well kept. It kept a fall theme, decorated with false vines of brown, gold, and red leaves. Red, orange, yellow, and black lights twinkled at random like various autumn colored stars. My jaw almost hit the ground.

"You like it?" he asked.

Like, again, was the understatement of the century. I didn't like it, I loved it! I looked from the decorated gazebo to him, beyond happy.

"I love it!" I answered unable to contain my excitement.  
"There's a radio on one of the benches inside".  
"Our own personal dance floor!" I was giddy with excitement.

Arm in arm, we made our way into the beautifully lit gazebo. Sure enough, there was a radio with a CD player. I haven't seen one of those in ages and my smile widened. Cool went over to the radio and turned it on, hitting play on the CD player part of it. A soft piano melody started to play as he offered me his hand.

"Will you do me the honor?" he asked in a very gentlemanly fashion.  
"I'd love to" I took his hand still beyond happy.

The music played on and we danced almost without a word. Words weren't needed. Music and gestures, and expressions were more than enough. But this, it was a literal dream come true. For the first time in years I felt loved and happy, cherished and safe. Finally, I just had to ask.

"What song is this?"  
"While Your Lips Are Still Red by Nightwish, instrumental of course, but the version with lyrics is good too. I wanted something soft but wasn't afraid to be somewhat edgy and unconventional".  
"Like the strange mix we are?"  
"Exactly…I don't mind a little strangeness".

I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. My friend kept his arms around and…it was just the best possible feeling. Finally, almost as quickly as it started, it ended. I sighed, nothing good is meant to last. But he stopped and held me as he turned the radio off and sat with me on the bench.

"Cold?" he asked me.  
"A little" I answered honestly.

He took off his coat and put it like a blanket over us. I cuddled into his chest, his steady heartbeat the only music I truly wanted.

"They'll be talking tomorrow" I said.  
"Let them talk" he kept me close, "We know the truth, they don't".  
"There's no way to prove them wrong if they say some lie or other".  
"You know, I think I just figured out what your problem is. You care too much about what people think".  
"Hard not to when you've spent your whole life being judged".  
"Everyone's been judged, Caddy. It's human nature really".  
"According to your mentor I'm not human" I looked down, "I'm a weapon".  
"Do you think you're a weapon?"

I shook my head. "No. I know I'm not".  
"Then you're not. I don't see you as a weapon either".  
"Why?"  
"Because weapons aren't alive. Weapons are tools for war, but you…you're not. You're just you, Cadence. You're Cadence Leah Revan and quite possibly my best friend here".

I didn't know what to say to that and he held me tighter.

"If either of us is a weapon, a tool, it's me".  
"Maybe in a way we both are" I finally said.  
"I could never see you as a weapon. You're too…good. You don't have a bad or ill tempered bone in your body" he smiled.  
"We really should head back…but to be honest I really don't want to".  
"Hm…perhaps…but…how about one more dance, to top the evening off?"

I laughed. "You'll stop at nothing will you?"  
"Hey, any excuse to stay close to you is worth it".

He took his coat back as he helped me back to my feet again.

"So…are you saying you like being close to me?" I asked.  
"Perhaps" his smile seemed to brighten just slightly.

The next song we danced to was an instrumental of Can You Feel The Love Tonight. Dear god…

"You just had to play this one" I laughed again.  
"I thought you'd like it".  
"I never took you for someone who liked music like this".  
"I suppose I'm just full of surprises aren't I?"  
"I suppose you are…you know, recently, I've really just wanted to be like everyone else".  
"Why?"  
"Because maybe then, I'd actually be living. I've always wanted to see the world, learn new things…be ordinary".  
"Ordinary is overrated. Once again, it goes back to you caring about what others think. I think you're perfect just the way you are, Caddy. Like someone for their qualities, but love them for their defects".  
"Could you love mine?" I asked, my boldness surprising even me. Oh dang, that was too close to what I really wanted to ask.

Cool kept his smile, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "I already do".

Oh my god! He loves my power! I guess, in a sense, it means he loves me! I don't know what to say, think or feel! I want to scream it out but sadly can't. I'll just have to be happy in silence. So with this, maybe just maybe I have a chance. Somehow, someday, he'll trust me with his whole heart…as I do with him.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	9. Chapter 8-November, 2008

**Chapter 8- November, 2008**

 _November 7, 2008_

Gears is not happy. Not at all. In fact, it seems the whole foundation appears to be against our friendship now. I thought their opinions would change for the better, but I hear nothing but vicious lies and rumors. Dr. O'Reilly and Cool both tell me not to listen, but they aren't the ones being called a whore, a slut, and all kinds of inappropriate names. I've hardly wanted to leave my cell…why couldn't I just have one night?

Why couldn't I be allowed to feel beautiful and happy with someone I love without the blowback from being labeled as his whore? We didn't do anything but dance and talk. Why does everything always have to go wrong for me?!

So of course word has reached Gears and now he's vouching for my termination! It's looking bleak, but I've done nothing wrong. I know, Cool knows, and God knows I'm innocent of any and all wrong doing.

Cool is also being punished. Not only is he forbidden to see me until all of this is worked out, but Gears has been dumping all kinds of work on him keeping him busy.

But he still sends me small notes and letters, so I know he still thinks of me. It's good, but I don't think it's helping our cause, or at least mine, any. I don't care if they kill me, but I don't think I could live in a world where he no long exists. Life would be miserable. I don't really think it'd be life at all. I guess, when you love someone that much, you start to see that life wasn't all that great before them.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _November 14, 2008_

Now I've pretty much been put under cell arrest! Dr. O'Reilly even has been banned from seeing me! All of my books and notebooks have been confiscated, but I managed to hide this journal and keep it.

Gears is isolating me. He's cutting me off from everything I love and stripping away my freedom slowly and painfully. Cool is fighting it, at least that's what I've heard. I just can't believe that he's actually fighting his mentor, his teacher, for me! He really is my very own prince Valiant.

My testing has gotten much more dangerous. They've started testing me on more Keter classes. Carlisle was one of these, as about two days ago, he was having his yearly "Incident" which no one really knows what triggers it. Iris has tried to ask, but he still won't talk to her.

Anyway, I was sent to subdue him, which I really didn't have to do too much, just cover his cell in quartz. A simple enough task on the surface, but Carlisle is also a reality bender. Yes, so it really isn't all that easy. But when it's finally done, his power is negated. I feel bad, but I know it's for the good of everyone here.

I just wish somehow I could see either of my doctors. Everything's just so lonely. It doesn't feel like home anymore…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _November 21, 2008_

Cool had one of his soldiers leave me a note with food. I knew it was from him by the handwriting as he didn't sign it this time. He actually is trying to fight Dr. Gears for me, but with only Dr. O'Reilly on his side, the situation is bleak.

It was the same soldier from before, who helped to pull me out of 106's pocket dimension. When I asked, he introduced himself as Paladin Night.

"I suppose…you wouldn't remember" he admitted.  
"I remember, you helped me get away from 106"  
"But we met a long time ago. Much sooner than that".  
"What?" I asked, "When?"

He looked a little saddened at my confusion. "You were just a little girl…trapped in that hell house-"  
"You helped me out of that house?!"  
"It was one of my first missions" he told me with a somewhat shy smile, "To retrieve you".

I tried to remember but I guess I had chosen to block most of it out along with most of my foster family's abuse. But he seemed so kind, despite a man of his size and strength. I felt shame for allowing myself to forget.

"I'm sorry" I apologized, "For not remembering".

Paladin shrugged. "Some things are just best forgotten. But I want you to know that Dr. O'Reilly and Cool aren't the only ones fighting for you, contrary to what he might think. I am, most of the MTFs are backing him too. Kondraki at Site 17 is also vouching for your life. You have a lot more friends here than you think Cadence".  
"And you even call me by my name".  
"A name I never forgot. You've touched more lives than you think too".  
"Are you a friend of Cool's?" I asked.  
"We work together. He asked me to come check on you".  
"Where is he now?"  
"Gears has been keeping him crazy busy with his Keter studies. But behind the scenes he's working with Dr. O'Reilly to build your case in your defense. I have a feeling the O-5s will want to keep you alive".  
"Why?"  
"Because you've helped with a lot of research with 106 and 409. On top of that, your crystal is the only thing that can stop 3030's episodes every year. They won't kill you. You're too valuable to the Foundation…and to Cool, believe it or not".

I shouldn't have been taken back by the last one, but I was. I knew Cool valued me, but I wasn't sure just how valuable I was to him. I'm still not entirely sure. Before I could ask anything else, Paladin excused himself and had to leave.

At least now I know I have someone else on my side that, hopefully, I can trust.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _November 28, 2008_

My case has been taken all the way to the O-5 Council! They surprisingly seem to agree with Paladin, as well as Dr. O'Reilly, that I've done much to aid in the research of some of the most dangerous SCPs the Foundation has collected. Faced with my friendship with junior researcher Dr. Cool, the Council appears to be split. They can't kill me without the threat of too much backlash, so they won't risk it. One side argues our friendship has potential to be dangerous, while the other half seems more open to the idea, albeit for research purposes.

I just don't get why two people just can't be friends anymore. Do others have to be nosy and try to use meaningless assumptions to back up their insignificant points of view? If it's not hurting them or effecting them in any way shape or form, why do they care?

Because they're the O-5 Council, leaders of the Foundation, and I, supposedly, am a threat to their existence. But there's one thing about this obscure council that I have: They don't know me. The council is typically forbidden from interacting with anomalies, something about them being too valuable or some other nonsense. But therein lies the problem.

How on God's green earth do you know what, or in some cases, who you are containing? Yes, you can have information on paper, statistics, and all that other good jazz but how can you contain or keep something safe that you don't entirely know?

Dr. O'Reilly knows me like his own daughter. Dr. Cool knows me probably about as much as I know myself. Paladin Night, whom I only just met, knows me better than they do. It's like a king trying to rule a country he knows nothing truly about. Reading about it isn't enough. Interaction with what you're containing helps one to learn more about what they're doing. That's why they fail to see us as people. The truth of the matter is…is they don't know us. They never have, and if this kind of attitude keeps up, they never will. And that only spells trouble for future Anomalies everywhere.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	10. Chapter 9- December, 2008

**Chapter 9- December, 2008**

 _December 5, 2008_

Twenty more days til Christmas! Oh my gosh, my favorite holiday! From the trees to the decorative lights, and the constant smell of baked goods…it's in full swing, even here at the Foundation.

Sorry, I'm just so excited. While I adore Halloween, I absolutely love Christmas. And I love it even more so now that I have someone special, and plenty of friends, to share it with. It's going to be a great one, I know it.

Christmas has always been kinda complicated here at the foundation. Yeah, not everyone celebrates, true, but it's not just because of that. When you're surrounded by creatures and objects that can potentially kill you, the Christmas spirit can be a little hard to find.

Hard to find, but not impossible. I've been overloading myself with Christmas themed books. And Dr. O'Reilly was nice enough to get me some Christmas music and hot chocolate along with my usual tea. Thank god he remembered I don't like mint. Mint hot chocolate…ugh…

Cool is still focusing on his Keter studies. After winning the fight to keep me alive, Gears has been keeping him busy out of spite I think.

For the time being, Paladin Night has been my shoulder to shoulder companion. Whenever Cool's too busy, Pal accompanies me on my library trips.

One question remains now: Is it going to snow soon?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _December 12, 2008_

Thirteen more days til Christmas! Finally Cool's had enough time to visit, he's earned it. Gears still doesn't like us together, but Cool makes no mention of it. I guess, like me, he'd rather not think about what everyone else says or thinks. We sat in the library, discussing potential Christmas plans over the hot chocolate Dr. O'Reilly got me.

"Don't you have family you could go visit?" I asked.  
"I cut ties with them after joining the foundation" he admitted with a slight sigh.  
"Oh…I'm sorry".  
"It's for the best. We have too many enemies here at the Foundation. They'd exploit every weakness we have. Damned if I risked their lives too much".  
"Dr. O'Reilly has his daughter" I told him.  
"Because she was born in the Foundation. She's safe here".  
"Oh…that makes sense. Well" I took his hand, "We can spend it together".  
"Like we did Halloween?" he gave me another one of his warm smiles and my heart melted.  
"Exactly. People still talk about that you know".  
"Does it bother you?" he asked.  
"It did at first but not so much anymore".  
"That's all that matters"

I let go of his hand but I really didn't want to. I just didn't want the moment to feel too awkward.

"Have an idea of what you might want?" I asked.  
"Are you sure you can actually get me anything?"  
"Well, I could make something" I looked down at my hands.  
"Can you do that?" he looked curious.  
"Oh yea, have you not seen the inside of my cell? I've made tons of figurines of various different things. All made out of the crystal I make" I took off my glove, "I can show you".  
"Alright…let's see".

I smiled and held out my ungloved hand. I closed my eyes trying not to concentrate on the man by my side. But it was much easier said than done.

I felt the crystal flow from my hand like a river. I opened my eyes and liquid rose quartz formed into a ball in my hand, solidified. Cool looked more curious now.

"Rose quartz…interesting choice".  
"Oh…well, it's not really a choice. I don't choose the crystal I make usually. It's most of the time determined by emotion" I probably just opened a can of worms there.  
"Really?"  
"Well" I had a chance to save myself, "Sometimes. Other times it has to do with the environment or if I'm crystallizing a certain type of material. It's a mix of the two, and what the material's made of".  
"I've read the experiment logs with you and SCP 409. They say your powers were amplified when you held it".  
"That's…technically true. It's mostly amped when I hold it, but it's painful to hold".  
"Why?"  
"Because I think in a way we're trying to cancel each other out. Gears regards me as a humanized version of the contagious quartz".

Cool rolled his eyes. "I'm not surprised. I hope you know you're more than that".  
"I do" I smiled, "Thanks to you and all my other friends"

He smiled back and took my gloved hand.

"What does it mean, rose quartz I mean"  
"Rose quartz? Oh, it's the stone that signifies unconditional love. It opens the heart chakra and makes the heart more receptive to love".  
"Hm…might as well call it the love stone".

I laughed. "That's one way to put it".  
"Can you shape it?"  
"Oh yeah" I nodded and closed my eyes again.

I felt the crystal liquefy again and start to form into the snowflake shape I imagined. My friend laughed again, amused by what I was capable of doing.

"A pink snowflake?! I guess that white is too overrated?"

I shrugged. "I was going for something holiday-ish. Do you like it?"  
"I love it. But I think that's enough free lance experimenting for one day" he handed me my glove, "Before someone sees".

I reached for it, but Cool pulled a fast one and snagged it away, putting an arm around me.

"Got ya" he whispered in my ear like a secret.

I felt my face grow warm and he started caressing my bare arm again with his fingertips. Oh god…yes, he did that number again.

"You have very soft skin…absolutely beautiful…like the purest marble"  
"Th-Thank you" I managed.  
"No thanks needed for honesty. Believe me, you're a lot prettier than you think".

I turned in his hold and put my gloved hand over his heart as he kept me close.

"Heartbreakingly so?" I asked.

He blushed, the first time I've ever seen it. It was actually really cute.

"Yeah…that was stupid wasn't it?"  
"Not really. I thought it was sweet actually".  
"Don't flatter me now, Cadence Revan".  
"I'm not" I stared at my hand and felt the strong beat of his heart.

I smiled a little and I was sure I was sparkling again. With that, he helped me put my glove back on, taking the pink snowflake for himself. That's fine, it can be an early Christmas present.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _December 19, 2008_

Six more days til Christmas! Dr. O'Reilly brought in some gingerbread cookies he and his daughter, Carson, made for me, Cool, Iris, and Carlisle. We even gave Jiminy one. The little orange slime ball flipped his lid over the cookie.

Iris' mission to get Carlisle to talk is going, as she believes, accordingly. I wondered if he could talk but kept it to myself as we all snacked. I took a spare cookie to Paladin who was more than happy to see me. I had to thank him for his help anyway with Cool's case against Gears last month.

He appreciated it, but didn't have much time to talk. That was alright. I have Christmas gifts to work on for now.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _December 22, 2008_

I've got most of the presents done. Only three days til Christmas! Excitement is abound. I even decorated my cell with some help from Iris, Cain, Carlisle, and Jiminy (Can't remember if I mentioned him before last entry, but he's SCP 999, Safe Class, AKA The Tickle Monster or Jiminy).

Sadly, the Foundation doesn't do much in the ways of Christmas because Bright always manages to ruin parties for everyone. So we've decided to do our own thing in the library when everyone's gone for the holiday. I extended invitations to Paladin and Cool and both have agreed to come. Just hope a certain someone won't object to it…

Dr. O'Reilly sadly won't be joining us. His family's stationed at Site 17, and he's already gone to spend the holidays with his wife and kids. I hear his wife is afflicted with some kind of Cancer and this could be her last Christmas with them. I pray for her health and meditate on it in my quiet moments when I can meditate with my crystals.

Most would think around Halloween would be one's strongest time to meditate, but it was never that way for me. Sure, other planes of existence and the spirit world are much easier accessed, but it's around this holiday that I feel the greatest in my spiritual wanderings. I come out feeling more positive, hopeful and determined. Maybe it's anticipation for a new year, but I'm just in a more positive mood after meditating around this time of year.

But while Dr. O'Reilly is away with his family, he's left my care to Cool and my friends. Due to this, we've been spending more time together.

And Gears can say nothing about the matter. Take that you emotionless sack of…nothing.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

PS: Obviously insults aren't my forte

 _December 23, 2008_

Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I couldn't be happier. I got Cool's present done but I can only hope he likes it. All of my friends are getting figurines for Christmas. But his is special.

It's a figurine of two dragons, one made of aquamarine and the other from diamond, with their foreheads together as their bodies form a heart. I made sure their tails were also intertwined to get the details all just perfect. Like I said, I just hope he likes it.

For Iris, I did another mythical creature, a unicorn made up of amethyst, lapis lazuli, and rose quartz. Not sure if she likes unicorns, but I thought she'd like it anyway. For Carlisle I've made multiple stones and put them in a velvet bag. I think some crystal therapy and meditation could do him good. Not sure if he would into that sort of thing, but I hope he likes it anyway. At least the crystals are nice to look at.

For Dr. O'Reilly, I actually did something a little different. I produced an amethyst still in its matrix. This is something I've never really practiced at, and I'm surprised it turned out as well as it did. I've endowed it with positive energy for his family's health. I just hope it works to some degree.

And finally it's started snowing. It's going to be my first white Christmas since I was a child. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to go out in it sooner or later. I can't leave the facility grounds of course, but it'll be nice to feel the wintry air for once.

We're holding our Christmas get together in the library tomorrow. I really hope Cool can come. I'm starting to miss seeing him regularly, as he's been back to his Keter studies.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _December 24, 2008_

I spent my morning helping to decorate the library. It was fun. We played Christmas music and warmed up some apple cider. Iris even made some of her special blueberry tea. When it was decorated, we all went to our cells to get changed. Since no one's here, the safe classes and some of the more well behaved euclids can go out and roam the halls and stuff, only as long as we don't cause too much destruction.

I decided to leave my hair alone and go without make up. As for attire, well I wore something slightly more modern. I wore my usual Victorian era style clothing but wore leggings under the long black ruffled skirt. I had an idea of sneaking out of the little party and going out in the snow. I really did want to feel it for once. So…not surprising, the party wasn't the highlight of my evening, far from it.

Sure, it was nice seeing everyone together talking Christmas and past holiday experiences with warm cider and cookies and sweets, but I only had eyes for Cool and the snow outside. Iris seemed to notice and thankfully gave me a playful wink. I laughed a little and rolled my eyes in response.

When I looked, Cool was making his way toward the library's entrance/exit and stopped as he caught my gaze. He motioned his head for me to follow him and walked out before anyone else could notice. I was curious and excused myself to meet him outside the library.

I closed the door. "What is it?" I asked.  
"You tell me. You keep looking outside. See something you like?"  
"Oh…you noticed?" I felt my face warm and he smiled.  
"You're sparkling again and yes I noticed".

I sighed. "Alright, you caught me. I like snow, and I haven't played in it since before my parents died-"  
"So you want to go out?"  
I nodded. "It'd be nice but we both know the rules".

Cool raised an eyebrow. "And since when have we ever followed the rules?".  
"Oh yes" I rolled my eyes, "Because we're such rebels".  
"Hm…we could be".  
"But the rules-"  
"The rules state you can't leave the grounds" he cut me off, "But to play in the snow we don't have to, unless you're willing to take a chance with me".  
"What do you mean?"  
"You'll know if you come with me. Do you trust me?"  
"You know I do".

I know curiosity killed the cat, but I was genuinely interested. But I gave him a skeptical look.

"But the last time we were rebels, we had to fight for my life".  
"We had witnesses then. Everyone's gone now. It's Christmas Eve, and we're the only ones here".  
"You mean…you're seriously gonna take me off facility grounds?"  
"I could…I want to".  
"Why?" I asked suspiciously.  
"Just come with me and you'll know. I promise you won't regret it".

It was tempting. Off grounds with the man I secretly love? What woman in her right mind wouldn't resist? He took my hand, needlessly, as I'd follow him to hell if he told me, and I followed him.

We walked for what felt like forever before we were finally outside. I hated the cold, but the snow falling slow and soft around us was beautiful as can be. He let go of my hand, just for a moment as I looked out at all the untouched snow.

"So beautiful…cold, but beautiful" I muttered.

I took my gloves off and held out my hand. The flakes the fell to my hand turned clear and hard, into clear quartz. I sighed and turned to him.

"Not even snow is safe from me it seems" I said.

Cool gave me a sympathetic look and came to my side. He put his gloved hands on my shoulders.

"Maybe we can make it something beautiful" he proposed.  
"It already is…I just wish…I could just touch something. Feel something".  
"Maybe someday we'll find a way. What would be the first thing you'd want to touch?"

He helped me get my gloves back on as I thought of the question. I knew what I wanted to say but it would've been too bold, even for me. I wanted to feel him, to be able to touch him without hurting him. It was one of the deepest desires of my heart. I loved him and wanted him to know. But, was he ready? And not to mention, the consequences of my confession could effect us both. With that in mind, I refrained.

"I'm not sure" I told him as Cool took my hand.  
"Maybe someday you'll get to. Are you ready?"  
"As I'll ever be" I attempted a smile.  
"Alright" he gave me a genuine smile and we took off.

Now I haven't been off site grounds in years. I've always observed the changing world through the windows of my library sanctuary. I have to admit, seeing it and experiencing it are totally different. It was still beautiful scene that, deep down, I was overjoyed for once to be a part of.

The site is surrounded for miles by forests of pine trees and ledges. I find it most beautiful when it snows like this. This now is cold and powdery, but it shines like the purest crystal. I love it.

"How close are we?" I asked.  
"Almost there. Close your eyes. I want it to be a surprise".

I did as he told me and he took my hand once more. I could hear the calls of various birds I didn't know. I heard the snow crunch under our boots, felt the ice crystals play on my face. In the distance, I thought I heard a stream or some kind of running water. The air was a mix of scents, from Cool himself, to the pine trees mixed with the pure snow.

"Maybe this is what heaven smells like" I thought with a smile, "Because I have my angel here".  
"Can I open them now?" I asked.  
"Almost" he answered and we walked just a little further until our crunching footsteps became solid and steady, "Alright…now".

I opened my eyes and gasped. It was an entirely frozen cavern, glittering slightly in the faint light.

"Oh my gosh! This…this is amazing!" I looked around, trying to take it all in, to dedicate it all to memory.  
"You like it?" he asked me.  
"I love it! It's beautiful!" I turned to him, "How'd you find it?!"

He shrugged. "I sometimes go exploring when I have time. The library is your sanctum, but this cavern is mine. Far from the world, from the Foundation…everything. Here…I can just be me and not worry about anything" he told me with a look of utmost tranquility.  
"It's beautiful, but if they find it-"  
"They already have".  
"And?"

Cool shrugged. "Well, it's still here, isn't it? They don't care. It's only anomalous factor is how beautiful it is".

I smiled and looked around. It was almost like I was in a whole other world, a different one, where being different didn't matter. I smiled at the thought. But if only the world was so forgiving…

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _December 25, 2008_

Merry Christmas!

And what a wonderful Christmas it's been! Cool took me back to his cavern and we exchanged gifts there.

"So" he took my hands as we sat on a larger boulder, "Did you want your gift now or when we go back?"  
"Here" I answered without really thinking.

He laughed a little. "Well that was quick. Close your eyes".

I did as he said and he put two smooth objects in my hands. Both were the same shape, but different sizes. One was also slightly heavier than the other.

"Open your eyes" he told me and I did.

He surprised me again with two new books. One was a blank journal and the other was a book on the healing qualities of over 200 crystals. It's a book I've been needing and I'm more than happy to have it.

"This is amazing! I love them, both of them!" I couldn't stop smiling.  
"I thought you'd need a new journal. You're almost done with the one you have. As for the book, I thought it would be a good read for you".

I put the books aside and hugged him. "Thank you".

He embraced me right back. "Of course. Merry Christmas, Caddy"

I held on to him for a few extra seconds, cherishing this moment. When I let him go, I decided to give him his gift too. I smiled.

"Now it's your turn to close your eyes".

Cool hesitated, but did close his eyes. I opened the new purse Iris gave me earlier and took out the dragon figurine. I set it in his hand, trying to contain my excitement.

"Okay, open" I told him.

It was rewarded with the most beautiful smile he'd ever given me. He held the figurine like it was the most precious thing anyone had ever given him.

"Caddy…this is…wow! This is amazing! Did you make this?! It's absolutely stunning, thank you".  
"Merry Christmas" I smiled, "And yes I did make it…for the one who matters most".

He looked somewhat flattered. "Caddy…"  
"It's true" I wanted to look away but found I couldn't.

He actually looked…vulnerable for a moment. It only served to endear him further to me.

"Thanks Caddy" He put the figurine aside and hugged me closer than he had before.

I don't know if he felt it, but I couldn't resist planting a small kiss on his shoulder. I know it's the closest I'll ever get to telling him I love him…

Again I find myself wondering…why wasn't I born normal?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _ **Author's note: OMG! So sorry about the late update. I know this chapter was long overdue and I'm so sorry. But I do have good news. I do have this story completely written, and I've started writing the sequel**_ __ _ **Yes, there is going to be a sequel! Please review on the way out and thanks a ton for being so patient. Happy late holidays everyone ^^**_


	11. Chapter 10- January, 2009

**Chapter 10. January, 2009**

 _January 1, 2009_

Happy new year! Rather than spending time with friends, I've decided to just go to the library to reflect. Looking outside, it looks so beautiful, the perfect start to a whole new year.

But I can't help but feel a tinge of fear. I haven't forgotten what 106 told me, and I wonder about the choices we'll all have to inevitably make. Will it destroy us? How exactly will my decisions harm Cool? What if…I'm the one to hurt him?

I wouldn't dream of it, but what if that's what the old man meant? What reason though would I have to hurt him? If you love someone, you aren't supposed to hurt them. And believe me, I'd rather die than hurt him.

I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too hard or too much about this. Only God knows how the future will go. So I'll leave 106's prediction in the Lord's hands.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _January 8, 2009_

It seems Gears hasn't given up his fight. He seems almost hellbent on Cool not being able to see me. I'm furious!

According to Dr. O'Reilly, the rat bastard knocked the figurine I made for Cool off of his desk. Dr. O'Reilly insists it was an accident, but I'm not stupid. If I know Gears at all, it was a message, to both Cool and myself.

I'm beginning to wonder if Gears may have something to do with 106's prediction. I have to find a way to speak to the old man about it…possibly. But even so, I know he'll be cryptic about it with me. I need to find someone, besides Gears, who can fully understand 106 in his entirety.

But who else can? If he isn't clear with me, it's obvious he won't answer my questions through the mouth of someone else. And on top of that, I have to do this all without any of my friend's knowledge.

I hate to do things behind their backs, but this is something I have to do. I have to know what the old man was talking about.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _January 12, 2009_

I was in the library today when I met someone who may be able to help. I don't trust him, as I've heard a lot of stories about him, and on top of that he's an associate of Dr. Gears. Doctor Alto Clef has himself quite a reputation as a gun and music fanatic. He specializes in interdimensional entities, which I think is close to the Old Man's alley.

But I don't trust him. He's an associate, as said before, of both Gears and Bright, yet he stood with Kondraki, Cool, and O'Reilly to keep me alive. He wasn't too clear on why, just that he expects great things from me. I'm grateful regardless. I didn't tell him about 106 or his prediction for me and Cool. I don't trust him enough for that. He may have turned on Gears before, but who knows what exactly he'll turn around and tell him?

So for the time being, our conversation was centered mostly on literary favorites and some philosophy talk. It wasn't much, but the conversation was very welcome.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _January 19, 2009_

Cool apologized to me on Gears' behalf for breaking the figurine. Thankfully he brought the pieces with him so I could fix it. I was eager for conversation, particularly with him.

"So…does he know?" I asked.  
"About what?" he replied.  
"Your hide out slash thinking spot".  
"The Caves? No, he doesn't. Where I go, outside of Foundation, is none of his business. He never asks so I never tell".  
"If he ever did, would you ever tell him?"  
"Hm…what do you think?"  
"I want to believe no".  
"I'd never risk him finding it. It's one of the few places I can go for some peace and quiet".  
"Few places?"

Cool shrugged. "I have quarters yes, but honestly I prefer more…natural places".  
"Places like that?"  
"I have a certain admiration for naturally beautiful things".  
"I can understand that. But what do you mean by…naturally beautiful things?"  
"Nature itself" he smiled.  
"Oh" I replied slightly disappointed but hoped it didn't show.

I had no wish to ruin the moment to be honest. A part of me is thankful he didn't seem to notice.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _January 26, 2009_

I saw Clef at the library again. He was reading a copy of Dante's Inferno when Dr. O'Reilly and I came in. My psychologist seemed highly uneasy around him. I've noticed he has that effect on people. Sure, I think he's slightly off putting, but not completely unbearable.

"Ah, aren't you a sight for sore eyes, miss Revan?" he put the book aside and stood from his seat.  
"Dr. Clef" I acknowledged him with a lighthearted smile.  
"And of course you, Derrick. Always a pleasure".  
"Of course…"  
"Mind if I join you guys on this little excursion? After all, Caddy here's gotta be supervised and four eyes are better than two".  
"Caddy, what do you think?"

I shrugged. "I'm not against it".  
"Wonderful! It's always a pleasure, Caddy".

Clef stayed with us throughout my visit and we just talked about every day happenings. It felt odd, talking about my day to day life with someone outside my usual circle of friends. I don't trust him enough with too many details so I just gave him the general stuff. But eventually I do hope to get him to either spy on Gears for me or talk to the Old Man.

He supports me in my belief in crystal therapy. Clef believes there is a science, borderline art, behind it. For once, someone is actually encouraging me with my dream, besides Cool and O'Reilly of course. If he can't help with 106, he can at least help with my dream of being beneficial to the Foundation, and mankind of course. I want to help prove that just because I'm an anomaly doesn't mean I can't do good.

I may not be ordinary, but the least I can do is try.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	12. Chapter 11- February, 2009

**Chapter 11. February, 2009**

 _February 2, 2009_

This month is going to feel somewhat awkward. It's the month of love after all, and yet the object of my affection doesn't even know how much exactly he means to me. I haven't seen much of him lately, as he's been more involved in his Keter studies and MTF duties.

I don't hold it against him. I understand he wants to better himself and have it better. But still…I'm beginning to wonder if my prince valiant really is getting ambitious.

And Gears continues to pester me, despite Dr. O'Reilly trying his hardest to get the man off my case. Again, I'm not Keter class so I have no clue why he's so interested. He knows Cool and I are friends, but I fear he's trying to get the whole truth out of me.

We all know if he does, it'll lead to disaster for me and for him. When you love someone, they come first. You never hurt them, and you do all you can to keep them safe and happy. Gears can torment me all he wants, but that rat bastard will never get what he wants from me.

I'll never break to him and that's a promise.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _February 9, 2009_

Cool's finally come back around to see me. I've been trying to get him to tell me when his birthday is, but he won't tell me.

"I don't celebrate birthdays all that much" he admitted.

I was shocked and put my book down. "What?! Why?!"  
"It's just one year I'm closer to dying. It's no big deal really".  
"Oh hush! It is a big deal! It's the birthday of my best friend so of course it's a huge deal to me!"

Cool raised an eyebrow. "You're really worked up about this aren't you?"

I nodded. He has no idea how much it means. My friend sighed.

"And knowing you, you'll stop at nothing until you find out".  
"I'm stubborn" I shrugged, but smirked with pride.

Cool face palmed. "If you must know, it's March thirteenth".

I held back a squeal. His birthstone is one of my favorite gems, the Aquamarine. It fits, as the dragon figurine I made him for Christmas had that same crystal. My smile widened.

"Don't smile too much" Cool grinned, "Your face will crack".

I couldn't hold back a laugh. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind".  
"I'm almost done with my studies. Just a few more months and I'll be a full scale researcher".  
"So I've heard. Bet you're excited".  
"Oh you have no idea. I'll be able to see you whenever I please".

I felt my smile fall. "Even if they don't approve?".  
"Caddy…I don't care if they approve or not. When I'm a researcher, I won't need Gears' approval. Hell, were it up to me, I'd be keeping you as far from him as humanly possible".  
"As lovely as that would be I'm afraid I'd lose you too"

He got up and moved some hair from my face. His touch was so gentle, so soft, and I felt my heart slam in my chest.

"I'd follow you anywhere, Cadence Leah Revan. And I mean anywhere".  
"I…I don't know what to say" I really didn't, as my mind was going blank.

I love him…by god, do I love him. I only wish I could tell him. Once again it's been one those days where I wish I was born normal, and that he could ever possibly love someone, something, like me.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _February 14, 2009_

Happy Valentine's Day! The day of love is here and I'm making it my personal goal to make a certain doctor my very own valentine. Even if it's just a day.

But it seems I have at least three admirers here at the site. When I came back from my library trip, I found three separate bouquets of flowers: Tulips, lilies, and roses to be exact.

Each had a small card with different handwritings. The tulips, mixed of red with pink and white, with an odd black tulip in the center, was from Clef. His card stated it was just a friendly gift but I'm not sure I believe that really. But why one black tulip? It's got me thinking of what it could possibly mean.

The other two are secrets, but I have a feeling the roses, which are mostly yellow with red tipped petals, are from Cool. The card was taped to a small white box. In the box was a diamond heart charm for the bracelet he got me.

The last one, the lilies, I have no idea…ugh, I hate holiday related mysteries. I'll write more later if I find out more…

 _Later_

I knew it! Cool left the charm and the roses! He dropped by as I was reading earlier and saw I had hooded the heart next to the leaf. The smile he gave me was knowing, too knowing.

But he saw the tulips and lilies as well and I noticed his smile drop. I've never taken my Prince Valiant to be the jealous type, but I knew right there and then he had an issue.

Can it be that…that what I've wished for so long, is slowly coming true? Can a man even love an anomaly despite all that she is?

I hope so. Dear lord I hope so.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _February 21, 2009_

So, they've decided once again to test my abilities on other SCPs…these idiots.

Gears is getting desperate. He's pit me against 106, that didn't work. Now he thinks 173 (The Sculpture, Euclid Class like me) could finish me off. I have to admit, it came close, but apparently it didn't know about my crystal touch.

I can't avoid blinking, no one can. But I also happen to be rather good at staring off into space while keeping half my mind on a task. Difficult, but not impossible. I kept my eyes on the thing, and, when I did blink, I rolled as far away from it as possible. I find if you can keep as low to the floor as possible, it can't get you.

I'm short enough as it is, but it can't get me on the floor. Yes, it was as disgusting as it sounds, but necessary. When I was in a more secure corner, I crouched, and removed my now ruined gloves.

"Come and get me" I said and blinked.

It fell right into my trap. With a speed I didn't know I had, I rolled out of its way. Now safely behind the damn thing, I kept my eyes open as I put both my hands to the floor. Under me it turned metallic and black, hematite. I rolled back closer to the sculpture and grabbed both of its feet. I watched as the concrete of its legs turned to hematite with small flecks of fire agate.

"Snap my neck, not today!" I got up and to be safe moved away.

I blinked…and it was stuck. I grinned and I felt it turn to a full smile. I just defeated the original SCP at its own game.

When I walked out, there was stunned silence amongst the researchers. Cool was there, and moved through the small crowd. Like the others he looked stunned. But his expression changed to a smile of admiration.

"Cadence…" he said my name with an air of shocked intrigue.

Once again, I found myself feeling powerful. Nobody could believe what I had just done. Hell, I still can't believe it. I stole a glance at Gears who remained stone cold as usual. But Bright looked impressed and Clef had an oddly encouraging smile. Gears put his hands behind his back.

"Cool, take 2991 back to its cell. Testing is done for the day".

He nodded and led me out. I didn't really want to talk, but apparently he did.

"You're getting stronger Cadence. I'm proud of you".  
"It's not really strength. You just have to think on your feet…and be fast".  
"Well still, I'm proud of you, Caddy".

It meant more to me than he'll ever know. I just wish I could tell him. He has a right to know how I feel. But I never will.

I know myself too well. I'd never risk our lives that way. I only wish I could, that I was brave enough.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _February 28, 2009_

Ever since the test with SCP 173, Gears has backed off. However, Clef appears more interested. He knows I hate being the center of attention, which is sadly what I've become over the course of the week. Other SCPs apparently now want to take me on. I don't want to fight anyone. I was just trying to survive.

Clef and I walked around the site with Dr. O'Reilly close behind us.

"Gears is actually kinda impressed with you. Takes a lot to do what you did" Clef told me.  
"Maybe now he'll actually leave me alone".  
"Heh…keep dreaming".  
"What does he even want?"

Clef shrugged slightly. "I've heard rumors but no one really knows what that man's after, if anything".  
"Rumors?"  
"Yeah, they've been going around since last year. I hear he feels threatened".  
"Threatened?" I almost stopped, "By who?"  
"You".  
"Me? Why? I haven't done anything".  
"You're a huge influence on his pupil. It's strange. You two just pull together. You're like magnets".  
"You say that like it's a bad thing".  
"Don't get me wrong. I don't think it's really all that bad. Gotta say though, whatever exactly it is between you and Cool, it's intense".

I looked at Dr. O'Reilly for a moment and he shook his head. Clef didn't need to know either. I turned back and the other researcher had more news for me.

"Cool's fearing for you from what I hear. He thinks if Gears can't kill you, he can have you classified as a Keter".  
"He can't!" I stopped and Dr. O'Reilly came to my side, "He doesn't have the authority!"  
"No but he can-"  
"Take it to the O-5s? He's been there, tried that" Dr. O'Reilly told him, "We contested him if you don't remember".  
"I know but that was a different matter entirely. Gears was talking about termination last time. Re-Classification is different. It's a lot less extreme. After the test with 173, I wouldn't be surprised if-"  
"They won't reclassify me. I won't let them take my freedom" I objected.  
"You're beginning to talk like a revolutionary" Clef told me.

I looked over at him. "Not a revolutionary" I replied, "A human being".

The two men watched as I took myself back to my cell. That's how I felt about the O-5 Council. If they can't take me as a human being, they can watch me walk away.

I am anomalous, but I'm human. I'm Cadence Leah Revan, and I'm the Crystal Princess. For once I actually feel proud of it.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	13. Chapter 12-March, 2009

**Chapter 12. March, 2009**

 _March 7, 2009_

There haven't been any further talks of me being reclassified. I did bring up my concerns and fears with Cool, who agreed with me entirely.

"He still believes me a weapon" I said as we sat together in the library.  
"Well he doesn't know you like I do" Cool turned me so I was facing him, "And a part of me's glad he doesn't".  
"Why?"

He put his hand on my cheek. "Because I never want to see your light corrupted, Cadence. Honestly, there's too much darkness, too much evil in the world. You remind me of everything I've ever fought for. I care about you. I want you to be safe and I'd do whatever it took" he pulled me to his chest and just held me like I was the most precious thing.

I honestly don't feel like I am. When I didn't respond, he continued on.

"It's just…I need to save that light. I don't know why. I just…I don't know".

Was he trying to tell me what I wanted to hear most? I wanted to encourage him to speak his heart, but I knew he wouldn't. To my despair, he let me go. He brushed my hair back behind my ear and looked in my eyes.

"Cool…what are you…"  
"I…I don't know…" he looked so vulnerable, like a deer in headlights.

He started to move away but I took his hand.

"Please" my eyes met his and I could see his conflict, "Talk to me".

But he pulled his hand from mine. "I'm sorry…I can't…I'm sorry Cadence. This is something I gotta deal with on my own".  
"No you don't" I told him, "Do you…not trust me?" I was hurt at the thought and my eyes stung.  
"I trust you. Believe me, Caddy, I trust you more than I trust anyone else here. That's why…I can't say. I'm sorry, Caddy".  
"I…I don't understand" I struggled to fight back tears.  
"Perhaps it's safer you don't…for the both of us".  
"Wait are you" my heart almost stopped, "Ending our friendship?"  
"It would be my safest option. To end it, walk away, hope to never see you again" he kept his dark brown eyes on me, "But honestly, I'd never dream of abandoning you that way".

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. It calmed me just slightly, but I couldn't stop the feeling of heartbreak I felt as he walked away from me.

I just don't understand why he won't tell me what's going on. Have I done something wrong?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _March 10, 2009_

Three days until his birthday. Cool's been avoiding me. He apparently went to go see Dr. O'Reilly about something, he refused to tell me what happened. Patient confidentiality I suppose.

The question hangs over me like a dark cloud. What have I done wrong? I bumped into Cool as I was going to see O'Reilly myself. He seemed stressed, hurried, at the sight of me. Before I could even say Hi, he rushed past me. I wanted to call for him but the words died in my throat.

I love him. I want to set things right, but I'm afraid he won't let me. He said he wasn't ending our friendship yet I feel it slowly dying. I want to confront him…but I'm scared to.

Does that make me a coward? I want him to be safe and happy. I can't do either unless I know what I've done.

 _Later…_

Came into Dr. O'Reilly's office with nothing but came out with a clue. Cool wants me to meet him in our "Secret Spot" (Dr. O'Reilly's words, not mine) on his birthday, in hopes of clearing things up. I can only hope that he doesn't plan on putting an end to us.

Honestly, the man's the only thing in this world I think I would die without.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _March 12, 2009_

Tragedy has struck my dear doctor today. Dr. O'Reilly's wife passed away last night. I feel terrible. All this time I've been focused on my problems I didn't bother to ask Dr. O'Reilly about his. He's gone back to Site 17 to plan the funeral. He gave me, Iris, Carlisle, and Cool invites, but I doubt me and my fellow anomalies will be able to go.

I've tried to produce a good birthday present for Cool, but I can't seem to get Aquamarine like I want. Jet seems to be all I can make. I guess it fits, as I can't seem to feel much of anything positive. Sadness, guilt, and fear are the only things I seem to be able to feel now.

It feels nowadays like everything's going wrong. I'm losing my friends, losing control, and I don't understand why. I tried prayer but it doesn't seem like anyone's listening. Meditation brought me some peace of mind, but it didn't lighten my mood.

And then there came the knock on the door. I'm not allowed to open the door to my cell so I called that it was open, as I slipped my gloves back on. When I looked up, Cool was in the doorway. Unsure of what to say I just stared.

"Hey" he said simply.  
"H-hi" I replied, "I wasn't expecting…visitors".  
"Well…I…uh…I wanted to check on you. Derrick's left you in my care again".  
"Sorry" I said looking down.  
"For what? I really don't mind keeping an eye on you, Caddy".  
"Even when not on the best of terms?"

He gave me a slight shrug. "It's not you, if that's what you're worried about".  
"Then what is it? We're friends Cool. You can trust me with anything".  
"I know, and I promise you, tomorrow I'll tell you what you want to know".  
"Why not here and now?"  
"Too many listeners. You know where to find me?"  
I nodded. "Dr. O 'Reilly told me".  
"Good. I'll see you then" he turned to leave but looked at me over his shoulder, "By the way, I happen to love jet. It's one of my favorites".

I still have no idea what to say to that. He's gone, but I'll try to get some sleep anyway.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _March 13, 2009_

I…I'm in shock…still. I can't believe it…he…he admitted it. Cool, he…oh my god, he loves me. He actually said it!

Furthermore, he kissed me! Oh my god…I tried not to return it, but it was so right. It felt amazing. I feel complete for the first time in well, my whole life.

Okay, so I'll start from the beginning…

I was fully prepared to go out in the cold when Paladin came for me. It seemed he had been recruited into this little mission. Careful so as to not be seen, I followed him out to the grounds. After disabling the security devices around the gates, he let me out.

"You know your way?" he asked.

I nodded. Though physically I had only been there twice, I've been to Cool's cavern enough times in my dreams to memorize it. I followed the path that felt so familiar, close to the creek, until I finally saw him sitting at the cave's mouth, reading aloud one of my favorite poems.

"Somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence. In your most frail gesture of things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch, because they are too near".

I couldn't help it. I picked up where he left off.

"Your slightest look easily will unclose me, though I have closed myself as fingers, you open always, petal by petal, myself as spring opens. Touching, skillfully, mysteriously, her first rose".

Cool smirked. "Or, if your wish be to close me, I, and my life will shut, very beautifully. Suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow".  
"Carefully-"  
"Everywhere descending".

I sat with him and I could read the next part of the poem.

"Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals to the power of your intense fragility, whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death, and forever, with each breathing".

Cool brushed some hair back behind my ear and caressed my gloved hand. I looked at him, caught off by the gentle touch.

"I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens. Only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses".  
"Nobody-"  
"Not even the rain-"  
"Has such small hands" we finished together.

I laughed and looked down at our now entwined hands. I put my head on his shoulder.

"Happy birthday" I said and reached into my coat to pull out my gift.

It was a simple necklace of silver with three pointed crystals on it. In the middle was the longest piece, a jet. To its left was a pointed, unpolished diamond. On the right was an aquamarine, also unpolished.

"Wow…another amazing work. Wonderful job, Caddy".

I smiled and slipped it around his neck. "I'm glad you like it. Now, I believe you said you had something to tell me?"  
"O-oh…uh…well…Caddy, things lately have been…complicated".  
"Why? Is there something wrong?"  
"Cadence…When I…When I look at you, I just…I feel different. I truly mean it. You are a wonderful, beautiful woman, Caddy. You may not realize it, but you're one of the strongest women I've ever come in contact with".  
"I'm not that strong. I like to pretend I am sometimes-"  
"Believe me when I say that you are. You survived severe trauma that would break anyone. You've come a long way from what Dr. O'Reilly told me, from a cowering abused child to a beautiful, strong, and confidant woman" he smiled, "And very brave to boot".  
"More like foolish".  
"You've faced dangers not of your own choice. You've been forced to. It's not foolish if it isn't your doing".  
"What are you trying to say exactly?"  
"Caddy" he looked me in the eyes, "I know it's wrong. You're an anomaly, an SCP, a specimen for research…an…an object in the eyes of my mentor. But after all that's happened, after all we've shared, I can't see you that way. I don't even think I ever have".  
"How do you see me?" I dared to ask.

He put his head to mine as I moved from his shoulder. Cool now had a hold of both of my hands, strong but soft.

"I see you…not as a woman, but a treasure. A treasure I'd guard and cherish and…love always. I love you, Cadence Leah Revan".

Before I could even react, his mouth was on mine. I lost the will to fight. I moved my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his neck. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into his chest. I felt the strong beat of his heart, like a bird trying to escape a cage. It was beautiful, kissing him, my very first kiss actually. Out in the woods, at the mouth of the cavern he loved so much…and it was me! Me that he loves, that he treasures.

But as we parted, the reality of the situation hit me. He was a researcher with a bright future. I was just an object to gawk at, poked, and prodded at. He deserved better than some…anomaly, a freak who couldn't even touch him with her bare hands without hurting him.

"Cadence…" he put one of my hands to his cheek.

I tried not to cry. I didn't want to hurt him, to break his heart. This was all I ever dreamed of, all I ever wanted. I loved him. I wanted him to be happy, but I wanted to keep him safe no matter the cost. I shook my head.

"I…I Can't".  
"What? Caddy…but, I don't understand. Derrick said-"  
"He told you didn't he?!" I got up suddenly feeling betrayed and angry.  
"Before you blame him, you need to know…I told him my feelings for you first".  
"You…you did?"  
He nodded. "Yes, I did".  
"And..were you surprised at all?"  
"I had a gut feeling you had feelings for me".  
"We still can't do this. Not that I don't want this. Trust me, this is all I've ever wanted. But…we're on two different paths here. I'm just…I'm just a thing for research. I ruin everything that I touch, literally. Without these" I looked at my hands, "I could-".

He caught my lips again in another kiss and I didn't bother objecting. He pulled away after a minute and I was breathless by the soft gaze he held. It was the same look he gave me when we first saw each other at the library. That look…was near unbeatable. I love him. But I have to think of his and my own safety first.

"You know what will happen if Gears or any of the higher ups found out" I felt terrible for bringing it up looking back on it.  
"And you aren't willing to take a chance?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not on your life".

"Damn it Caddy, I could give a damn less what happens to me! Cadence, what are we doing?! We're wasting all this…I love you, Caddy, and I'd never let anyone hurt you. What good is life without risks? What's progress without sacrifice?! Nothing! I'd rather they kill us both tomorrow if they knew the truth then live through it all without ever trying".  
"But your own life? Wouldn't the price of us be too high?"  
"I'd do anything, risk my own life to keep you safe" he caressed my cheek, "Please Cadence…"

I hated to pull away. "I'm…sorry, but it isn't worth us risking our lives" my voice broke, "It's just…not meant…no matter how much either of us want it".

I fought back my tears as I could see the heartbreak in his eyes. I kissed his cheek.

"Forgive me, but I'll always be here for you. And if they take you from me, I will always find you".

And I mean it. I can't love him anymore than I do now. I have to keep him safe, no matter what happens to me.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _March 20, 2009_

Cool went to the funeral, though he never Mrs. O'Reilly to my knowledge. I think he went just to avoid seeing me. Not that it really matters as I haven't left my cell since his birthday. Iris is worried as I don't even want to go to the library or even join her and Carlisle for a friendly meal.

I want to tell her what happened. I want to tell her of my foolish decision to give up my one chance at happiness. And I did it all to save him. Like Cool, I don't care what happens to me. I just want him safe.

But I can't help but wonder if this is the choice 106 talked about before. Was I supposed to take the chance? Or did I actually do the right thing?

Nothing seems right anymore. I'm starting to fear what my next choice may bring. Why can't love just be simple? Oh that's right, I'm an anomaly, so life, and it's inner workings, can never be simple! Ugh!

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _March 27, 2009_

Clef offered another walk with me, unsupervised this time. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't turn it down. Unsupervised activities for me are rare, and I had a feeling we'd be discussing something important. I put my gloves on and tried to seem as normal as possible.

But it wasn't enough. The off putting researcher knew something was wrong. I didn't bother asking how he knew.

"I'm assuming it has to do with your friend" he said as we walked, "Your…depressive state I mean".  
I sighed. "It's a long story".  
"Well I got nothing but time, Caddy".  
"I don't really think I should talk about it".  
"Why? Afraid I'll turn around and tell Gears? You know I'm on your side, right?"  
"You still could. You're still a friend of his".  
"That bastard doesn't have friends and to be truthful, I really don't either. Just people I know. Some I just keep…closer than others. And besides, what reason would I have to tell him? The man's got his hands full enough as is. Who am I to add on to anything? If you don't want me to tell him I won't. I just wanna be a good associate and help you out".

I stopped. "You swear not to tell him?"  
"You have my word, Cadence. Whatever you tell me, Gears will never hear a word of it".

With that in mind, I couldn't hold back the truth. I didn't want to.

"Clef…I'm in love".

His dual colored eyes widened in interest. "Oh?"  
"Yes…I love his research assistant".

Clef's look didn't fade. "Wow…so, Cool huh? And let me guess, you told him and he freaked out?"  
"Not exactly" I shook my head, "He told me he loves me".  
"Holy shit…so what? You love him, he loves you. What's the issue?"  
"researchers aren't supposed to bond with SCP items. You know what the penalty is".  
"Termination" Clef looked thoughtful, "So…what happened?"  
"To protect him, I told him we couldn't happen. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong".  
"I can understand your concern there, Caddy. Believe me, I can. Love's not easy, even less so when you're an SCP".  
"Any advice?"  
"Well, I really don't think you should rule him out just yet. Cool's a good guy, helped to save your life…Man I feel stupid for not guessing this sooner".  
"So, what should I do?" I asked, "Did I do the right thing?"  
"Right is such a subjective term. Not really the right thing, but you did do the smart thing".  
"What's the difference?"  
"You did the smart thing logically. But you didn't do what was right by you. You've lived your whole life bound by either your foster family or by the rules of the Foundation. It's only natural you would want something for yourself".

I looked down. "I just wanted him safe".  
"As well you should, and I don't blame you. But it's not truly what either one of you wants. You want him safe but he's willing to blow caution to the wind. Reckless, sure, but it could prove worth it".  
"And if it doesn't?"

Clef shrugged. "Well, then at least no one can say you never tried. This is your first love, Cadence. Make it worth it. Make it memorable. Take chances, make mistakes, but have no regrets. You know, now that I think about it, that's the best advice I think I've given to anyone here…Go me".

I couldn't help but crack a smile. I have taken his advice into consideration. I don't regret loving Cool, I don't think I ever could. Maybe that's one of life's biggest lessons: To not regret anything because at one point, it was you something you wanted.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	14. Chapter 13-April, 2009

**Chapter 13. April, 2009**

 _April 3, 2009_

I can't believe almost a whole year has passed and I'm still writing this journal. I've barely touched the one Cool gave me for Christmas. I actually can't wait to start writing in that one.

Speaking of Cool, we're still on good terms, though I can't stop the ache I feel whenever he's close. There's a pain in his eyes too. Carefully hidden, but I know him enough to know…I feel horrible.

I just want to throw my arms around him, to tell him I love him and I want to be with him. I want him to kiss me again, and tell me he loves me once more. But so far, both of us have really been too scared or awkward to even touch each other. He doesn't think I can see it, but I see him blush lightly when he looks at me.

The tension is high, and I think everyone can feel it. I've heard he's hit the books hard, focusing on more Keter studies. It's to be expected, since he's trying to avoid me and he's so close to becoming a full scale researcher.

My only hope now is that it won't be the end of us.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _April 10, 2009_

My birthday's soon, and already I've had Iris ask what I wanted. There isn't really much anyone can give to me, and to be honest I only want one thing.

And I think we all know who that is.

He hasn't come by to visit, and I fear again. I made the wrong choice. I love him, and now I know he loves me. Maybe…love is something worth taking a chance for.

 _Later…_

Well, Iris and Carlisle aren't happy about me getting advice from Clef. Apparently they don't trust him anymore than Dr. O'Reilly does. I never realized just how odd Carlisle's cell really is. Everything just seems on the verge of breaking apart, but yet it all stays together. It's weird. But not the point.

Imagine trying to go to the library and wind up in Carlisle's cell. I didn't realize he could use his power from a distance. Well, joke was on me apparently. He used the stones I gave him as a means of decoration. Iris was sitting on a pile of books and Carlisle stood in a corner with his arms crossed tapping his foot.

"What?" I looked around, "What's going on?"  
"What's going on?! You went to Clef for advice, that's what's going on" Iris looked a little hurt, like I had done something to betray her or something.  
"So what? I didn't go to him for advice, he just offered it".  
"The man's a devious, conniving asshole, Caddy. And you know he's an associate of Gears', right?"  
"I know, but he's helping me".  
"But why? Caddy, have you even thought of why he's helping you? What if he's going back to Gears with information?"  
"I haven't told him anything" I partly lied, as he did somewhat figure it out.  
"You could've gone to anyone else. Anyone. Caddy, we're friends, it's what we do. We want to help, but…you won't let us".

I sighed. "Okay look I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you guys. Clef's expendable. I don't see him as an actual friend, more like a means to an end. Originally, I was gonna ask if he could talk to 106 for me, but I needed someone in Gears' inner circle to keep an eye on him. That's why I turned to him. I don't want to put either of you guys at risk, and Dr. O'Reilly's been going through enough. I didn't want to pull him into this. It's my problem and I won't risk anyone's safety to correct it".

And it's true, I won't. If anyone's going to get hurt from this, it's me. I know they want to help but I can't…I can't risk them. Forget what happens to me, if I lost them…well, life would suck even more.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _April 12, 2009_

I caught him in a hall coming back to my cell from the library alone. I took his arm as he tried to slink past me.

"We need to talk" I said simply.  
"About?"  
"You know what".  
"Cadence…look, I've been thinking of what you said. Maybe you're right. Maybe it'd be safer for us-"

I put a gloved finger to his lips. "Stop. Right. There. I was wrong. I…I talked to a friend and it's also gotten me thinking. I love you, you love me. Maybe…somehow, we can make it work. Maybe we can show the Foundation that…that this isn't bad. Forget Gears, forget everyone else. Let's show them we can beat the odds, and that…well, as corny as it sounds, but…that love really can find a way".  
"And if it doesn't work?" he asked.

I shrugged. "At least then no one can say we didn't try. In fact, we can say we did what no one else bothered to do here. I'm not an object to you. I'm a person, and a person you love. That's unheard of here".  
"We could both be killed".

I gave him a determined look. "I dare them to even try. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe".  
"So…does this mean-"

I cut him off with a kiss, slow and a little drawn out. He put an arm around me until finally we parted a little.

"It means yes, we're together. I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else. I just want you".

The smile he gave me was positively radiant. "Caddy…th-thank you. I promise, I'll do everything I can to make this work".  
"We both will. We can do it. I know we can".

And I mean it. The Foundation may threaten, but neither one of us are letting go. That I'm most definitely sure of.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _April 18, 2009_

Happy birthday once again to me. Twenty two now…wow, how the year's gone by. And much has changed.

It truly has been a wonderful year. I've survived tests, barely escaped termination, now I'm happier than ever with my very own Prince Valiant. I don't think it's possible I could be any happier.

But I know times may get harder. Love is never easy, and it's even more so when it's forbidden. I don't doubt our love's strength, but we're both taking necessary precautions. It's still a death sentence if the higher ups find out.

Cool was sweet as usual today. He and my friends surprised me at the library with a little party. Dr. O'Reilly even came with his little girl, Carson. His son, Lucian, has been out on an important mission since after Mrs. O'Reilly passed away. He sent his regards anyway.

Iris and Carlisle were there too, as was SCP 999, who was more than happy to see me.

999 is one of those few SCPs that my power doesn't entirely work on. I touch him, but he doesn't crystallize. He just turns all sparkly. The reasons for this are still mostly unknown but they think that the membrane that holds 999 together may hold a similar compound to silk, which is why he feels more smooth than slimy to me. I guess it makes sense.

A few days ago, Cool himself proposed a test that was a little safer than what I was used to. We know my powers don't work on silk cloth, but we never tested it on spider web silk.

Well, we tried it out, and I can't crystallize it. Theories are abound but no one's really too sure how or why this is. I don't know if there's a difference between spider and silk worm silk, but it's definitely something I plan to look into.

Paladin also showed up and it turns out it was he who got me the beautiful lilies for Valentine's day, as he gave me my favorite kind, Tiger Lilies, now for my birthday. Clef also showed up briefly, making Iris and Carlisle uneasy. He wasn't there long, just to wish me a happy birthday and give me a black rose charm for my bracelet.

Cool also got me a new charm, a silver dragon with diamond eyes. I think it's my new favorite. Both of us, it seems, have a soft spot for dragons.

Overall, it's just been a wonderful day. A reminder of all the things and people I love.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _April 25, 2009_

Cool's back to hitting the books. He's trying to keep Gears off of us as much as possible. So far, thankfully, it seems to be working. He works so hard, he more than deserves to become a full scale researcher.

Studying Keters is no easy job. Keters are the most dangerous class SCPs, and have potential to destroy the world. Every day my beloved will be risking his own life to save the world. It's noble and risky, yet it makes me love him more.

But I fear losing him. I'm sure anyone else would in my position. But I have faith in him. I know if he's ever in danger, I'll come to him if I can. That's the nature of love, I believe. Keep them safe and happy, and they never truly leave you.

At least I hope not.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_


	15. Chapter 14-May, 2009

**Chapter 14- May, 2009**

 _May 2, 2009_

Tension within the Foundation is common. You have researchers vying for places of power, SCPs often fight, both each other and for their freedom. And of course the Chaos Insurgency seems to have agents everywhere. The most we can do for now is stay close and hope for a miracle.

Yes, rumors are abound that there's a CI agent somewhere in our midst. A part of me doesn't believe it, as I'm trying not to get into that paranoid mindset. But still, I'm on higher alert than ever.

I'm told to not trust anyone new who may try to act as a researcher. If only Dr. O'Reilly knew that I don't trust too many researchers here enough as it is…

Clef sent me a note saying he'd see me soon. He's been spying on Gears for me, getting as much information as I need. There haven't been any further talks of me being reclassified I hope. He mentioned it was urgent. When things die down, I'll know what's going on.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 9, 2009_

So, Clef did come by and he passed to me the most worrisome of news. No I'm not being reclassified. Gears has planned Cool's final test before graduation. He…he's going to be researching SCP 682.

SCP 682 is the Keter of Keters. Even. Dr. O'Reilly has to be careful when he does his sessions with that lizard. He's virtually indestructible and has a hatred of all life. I'm actually shocked Gears hasn't thrown me to 682 yet. If he wanted to kill me, then this keter damn well could've done it easily without batting an eyelash.

And now I'm wondering if this is a trap. What if Gears wants 682 to kill me, and he's willing to put Cool's life on the line to assure my death? No way. Gears may be a cold hearted emotionless bastard, but surely he isn't THAT desperate…is he?

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 16, 2009_

I guess he is truly that desperate. Cool has confirmed to me that 682 is indeed his final test. Dear god, Gears is insane!

I want to tell him it's a trap, that it's all a plot to part us forever. But…what if he doesn't believe me? What if he thinks I'm just being paranoid like everyone else?

Ugh! First rumors of a CI agent and now this?! And for a moment I thought our problems were over, that Gears would finally leave us alone. But apparently I couldn't be more wrong.

It's not over. He'll hunt me until he has what he wants. I know. And now, he's going to force me to make a choice. This is his ultimatum to me.

Either Cool goes…or I go. How selfish does this bastard think I am? I would gladly put my life on the line for the man I love. I would never let anyone or anything hurt him.

I've made my choice. I am resolved to die. This is the choice…this, I realize, is what the Old Man was talking about.

 _Yours,  
Caddy_

 _May 23, 2009_

In three days, I will be dead. In three days, I will have peace. I am resolved as ever, even as I write this, my last entry.

In three days, perhaps this journal will be found. Maybe it'll be disposed of. I hope not. I want my Prince Valiant to read this, to know I speak the truth.

I love you, Dr. Cool. I love you like none before, and in so many different ways. Please, forgive me my darling knight, my prince Valiant. I don't want to leave you alone in this cruel, cold world. But it needs you. It needs you so much more than it ever needed me. I will wait for you, eternally if I have to.

Do you remember Tuck Everlasting, my dearest? If there's one life lesson it teaches, it's this: You don't need to live forever. You just need to live. I love you, and I always will. Don't forget me…please.

To Gears: I hope you're happy. You've won. You were the one thing my love for your junior researcher couldn't conquer. Perhaps I didn't love him enough. After all, he was my first and only. But then again, what am I supposed to know of love? After all, I'm just a weapon. But it's sad…a weapon knows more about love than you do. I've loved stronger and deeper than a bastard like you could ever dream.

To those who shared Gears' opinion, you couldn't be more wrong. I wasn't a weapon. I wasn't an object. I was, no, I am, a person. A gifted person. I'm a beautiful woman, who loved the right man under the worst of circumstances. You didn't know me. Learn to understand before you pass judgment. Find the real monsters, like my foster family, before you attack people like me.

To those who loved me and helped me and my friends, all I can say is thank you. And as the years pass, I hope that each and every one of you are blessed. To Iris, Carlisle, and Dr. O'Reilly…thank you. I love you guys so much. Please don't be too sad for me or miss me too much. I want you guys to be happy. Don't be sad that I'm gone. Be happy I lived.

Live Life to the fullest. Laugh often. And for god's sake…love with all your heart. And love truly.

 _Love Forevermore,  
Cadence Leah Revan_


	16. Epilogue-Six Years Later

**Epilogue- 6 Years Later**

Cadence was right.

The journal was in fact found a few days after her death. Supposedly a small funeral was held, but I was unable to attend due to the condition that damn lizard left me in. I still don't know how the hell they were able to have a funeral without a body, and I don't know where they've buried the empty casket. Or hell even if there was one.

Unfortunately, this journal and a few personal items that I managed to salvage, are all that remains of the woman that was once known as SCP 2991. After death, all traces of her existence were destroyed or locked away.

I'm fairly sure you've come to realize who I am and why this journal was published. I was the man she loved, the one she once called "Prince Valiant"…a man who no longer deserves that title. Who probably never truly did.

May this be a warning to all newcomers to the Foundation. DO NOT get attached to these things…period. It will do you no good in the end. All you'll get is pain, and believe it or not, I never want to see anyone experience what I had to go through. You don't need to ask me if it's worth it.

Because it isn't. And I'd never wish it on anyone.

I suppose I should give you an update on what has since happened to Caddy's circle of friends since 2009. So here it goes:

Iris is still in the Foundation, of course. But she's been rather useful and compliant with the Foundation. She's been rather helpful and praise be for that. We don't talk all that much anymore, but whenever I have an issue in dealing with the pain Caddy's death has brought on she's a small comfort.

Derrick O'Reilly is sadly deceased. He died about four years after Caddy, leaving his daughter Carson, who was eight at the time, an orphan. She has since been taken in by the foundation. The Chaos Insurgency raided his home, seeking information about a secret project he was working on. Sadly his son, Lucian O'Reilly, was never found. But rest assured, the girl is in good hands.

Carlisle, SCP 3030, has since been reclassified as a Euclid. He saved the life of an O-5 about three years after Caddy's death. He's been useful in recontaining more dangerous reality warping SCPs, namely 106 and, at times, 682. Iris was successful in getting him to finally talk. For the most part he keeps to himself. Again, we don't talk very often.

Like I said, don't ever get attached to these things. It isn't worth it, and it never will be. I will destroy 682 and avenge Caddy's death. No, this isn't about me. This is about her. It's always been about her. I will end it…if it's the last thing I do. And as for the ones who plotted her death, rest assured you will get what's coming to you.

This is Dr. Cool, O-5 Command, signing out…

 **Author's note: Ugh it's finally done! Took me long enough, right? So yes, I do have a sequel planned, but it probably won't be posted for a long time. I would like to do a special reading of this story for my YouTube channel. I'll probably start recording here soon. I'd like to turn it into an audio drama, but I can't get actors and stuff together so I'll probably just go ahead and do all the reading myself. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and followed this. It's been a huge help.**

 **-Amari412**


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